Some Good and Some Bad

Let's start with the good.

We went to the temple last night and even though we had a ton of stuff get in the way, we still went. Once we had decided to go, so much stuff came up. We went to Provo to do errands which included getting the paint for the house. Well we got there got everything we needed and then I realized I didn't have the paint sample. After this I became tired and cranky and just didn't feel like going. BUT I knew I wanted to go and we needed to just do it. Because I was cranky, it didn't help with Jared's mood. We were dropping off Ryan at Jared's brother's house so his girls could watch him and then going to the Jordan River Temple. Well Jared wasn't too thrilled with the idea of having to drive all the way up to Salt Lake to go to the temple so we argued a bit about that. When Jared was coming to the car he slipped on our garage door steps and sprained his ankle. We still pressed on.

Once we got to their house and realized how late it was, about 6 pm, it seemed so much easier to just stay and hang out and eat dinner. I was very tempted! Then Jared hurt his finger on his coat, which added to the stress. I was on the brink of not going, and then I just felt this calm about going and everything would be okay. We didn't end up leaving until a bit before 7.

We got there a bit late for the 7:20 session and had to wait until the 7:40 session. It was so nice to go though. I love the temple so much! Because it had been such a crazy day I messed up some parts of the session, but it was okay. I learned a few things and my testimony was renewed. I felt the confirmation of my willingness to push through the day to make it to the temple and I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity.

Ryan had a hard time since it was past his bedtime, so hopefully in the future we can plan it better. I am so glad we went though and just did it. I am lucky to have a husband willing to go with me, even if he doesn't want to. I just wanted to come on and say how glad I am that we went. I can't even express how much I love the temple.

Now for the bad.

Today I went to church and went to my new calling as a primary teacher. I wasn't teaching today, so I was just sitting in to listen. Before we started one of the girls, who is a talker and doesn't participate well, asked if we were going to switch off every week. The other teacher said yes and she said that she didn't like that. When the teacher said that she will just learn to like it, the girl looked at me and said she didn't want to come next week then. It just broke my heart.

The other teacher is an amazing teacher and is so good at keeping the attention and dealing with this girl so well. I just feel so inadequate for the calling and am wishing more that I didn't get called. It's so crazy to be feeling this way. I know that I shouldn't feel this way and to just ignore it and try to do my best. I will definitely still try to do my best, but it just made it harder.

I have all these crazy thoughts going on in my head like, I just don't do well with kids that age and that if my morning sickness with my next pregnancy is bad, I'll ask to be released.

It was just such a down day. I know that I need to pray and ask for strength and knowledge in teaching and dealing with the kids in the right way. I want to be a teacher that they love, not just the second best. I may only be the second best, but hopefully I can learn to accept it, or to just not let me bother me. I guess all I know at this point is that I am going to have to do a lot of praying with this calling.

I have such a mix of happy and sad emotions spiritually this weekend. I guess that's what it means to be a woman though. :) Hopefully I will be able to learn something from this and gain some happiness through the bad times as well. I really hope I am not experiencing this to just appreciate the good. I've already had to do that in a primary calling. Or maybe it's just my attitude. Either way, it's going to take a lot of effort on my part and some grace on God's. I just hope it's sooner than later. Thanks for listening if you made it this far in the post.