I admit that I am not a good pray-er. I want to be and I will do really good for a little bit and then get busy and hit the sack without thinking about it. We have been better with our family and food prayers, but my so important personal prayers are lacking.
What I need to do is have a pen and paper with me all day that is my prayer list. I think of things to pray for all day and then forget when I actually kneel down to pray. I want to improve my relationship with Heavenly Father and I know that through prayer and scripture study, it will come and in ways that will be wonderful.
But I have a question.
Since I am a poor pray-er, I don't know much about how prayers are answered. I know that if we have faith and it is God's will, it will be granted. But I don't understand it. Can you know something but not understand it?
Last night Brady woke up again and we tried letting him cry it out. Jared got up with him and tried to calm him down but as soon as he put him down the screams started again. I just started crying and thought, "I should pray."
I prayed for guidance in having him sleep through the night and pleaded that he would just sleep tonight. To give me some energy to figure out how I need to approach this.
He didn't stop crying.
After 45 minutes of the crying, I just went in and fed him. He went to sleep. And woke up again three hours later.
So I know that I shouldn't expect Heavenly Father to jump in and calm Brady down and get him to sleep the whole night, but on the other hand then what is faith? If he doesn't sleep through the night, am I lacking in faith? Or is it just that it isn't God's will? So confusing.
I just read this quote by Elder Deiter F. Uchtdorf on Pinterest:
“When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist
the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice
in prayer—no matter how eloquent the oration.”
Which leaves me wondering again, which one am I? I am guessing the one sitting in the wagon. He probably was really tired as well. So I guess my pushing would be to read all these books finding the right technique for little Brady. Dang it, I may have answered my question. I really wanted to be the pusher just waiting for assistance. :)
This whole post may not make sense or may seem weird, but really, I am just tired. I am so tired. It is impossible to do the things I need to do with how much sleep I've been getting. Only if Ryan still napped! :) And when I am feeling emotions, writing it down really helps me process it. Which is why I have this blog, to write when I feel like it about anything I want.
I was just thinking about this and how I don't really know the answer. But maybe if I write it down it will come to me... you know tonight at around 1 am or 4 am when Brady wakes up. :) Or just maybe I will have a tender mercy of him sleeping through the night. Keeping my fingers crossed for either. :)
P.S. I wrote this post and then forgot to add the quote by Elder Uchtdorf, the reason for me even writing this post. :) And then it answered my question, but I didn't want to erase the other stuff, so it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I am not going to waste time moving things around. Anyone who reads this will just have to deal. Now to go to bed and still keep my fingers crossed. :)
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I saw this quote on Pinterest a few days ago and it really hit home for me.
I always am trying to balance it all, juggling and constantly dropping the ball in one area or another.
You know what I did today? I woke up, took a shower, fed myself and the boys, ran to Brady's doctor appointment. Came home and put Brady down for his nap, made my meal plan and grocery list, paid all our bills, somewhere in there I gave Ryan a snack. Brady woke up, fed him and then made lunch for all of us and we ate. Then we left to go grocery shopping and came home with a cranky baby. Tried to put Brady down for a nap, but he wasn't having it! Screamed for 1 1/2 hours before finally falling asleep. Worked for about 1 hour of that screaming. Finally started getting dinner ready. Played with Ryan and worked while it cooked. We ate, Jared came home, I went to the store really quick, came home gave baths and put the boys to bed. What a day! And it's pretty much like this everyday right?
I did this all with going to bed at 1:30 am, being woken up by a screaming baby at 2:30, again at 5:30, and then Ryan woke up for the day at 7:30 am.
I feel terrible. And do I feel like I got so much stuff done today? No because my house is a complete mess, toys are EVERYWHERE, clean and dirty laundry is everywhere, dishes haven't been done in two days (although, they are rinsed off ready to go in the dishwasher on the counter, I just need to EMPTY the dang thing first), I really should clean my bathrooms since it has been a very long time since I have done that and I have a standing up potty trained boy. I also have all my decorations from New Beginnings on my work desk, just waiting to be taken down the basement.
Now I am not saying that I failed, I just look at the house and it doesn't make me feel like, "Yay! What a wonderful day. I got so much done." So inside I feel like I didn't do enough.
And I don't know why it should ever make me feel like that. I wish I could look at this mess and say, "What a fun day we had!" And feel good that I didn't choose to do it all. That I played with Ryan instead of folding laundry. And if I want to do those things, to involve him and teach him. That's what this mom thing is all about!
I need to work on that. :)
Anyway! What I am trying to say is I look at others saying "How do they do it all?" Keep clean houses, play with their kids all the time, keep themselves looking so cute, doing their callings, doing great service, writing craft blogs, etc. Well they don't. Either they don't choose to do it all, or if they do choose to do it all, they are letting the ball drop in different areas every day.
Now which sounds less stressful? Choosing to do less or ball dropping?
Choosing to do less for the win!
I have realized this over the last couple weeks and am in the process of making my life easier. Hopefully. And it may take some time and energy before it switches over, but I can't wait! And it would be really nice if Brady just started sleeping through the night during that time. :)
I choose to do less. I will not feel guilty about not doing it all any more. I want to be available to raise my children well. I want them to have my focus. This will also give me quality "me" time, which is so important for a mother. My "me" time isn't great right now, and I know I will feel better when it is.
I just wanted to share this quote with you. I wanted it written down so I can look back and be reminded of it if my life starts going crazy again.
There is nothing more important to me than my family and this gospel. I know that as I choose to do less, we will be blessed.
The full talk can be found here.
Posted by Shirley at 9:14 PM