I admit that I am not a good pray-er. I want to be and I will do really good for a little bit and then get busy and hit the sack without thinking about it. We have been better with our family and food prayers, but my so important personal prayers are lacking.
What I need to do is have a pen and paper with me all day that is my prayer list. I think of things to pray for all day and then forget when I actually kneel down to pray. I want to improve my relationship with Heavenly Father and I know that through prayer and scripture study, it will come and in ways that will be wonderful.
But I have a question.
Since I am a poor pray-er, I don't know much about how prayers are answered. I know that if we have faith and it is God's will, it will be granted. But I don't understand it. Can you know something but not understand it?
Last night Brady woke up again and we tried letting him cry it out. Jared got up with him and tried to calm him down but as soon as he put him down the screams started again. I just started crying and thought, "I should pray."
I prayed for guidance in having him sleep through the night and pleaded that he would just sleep tonight. To give me some energy to figure out how I need to approach this.
He didn't stop crying.
After 45 minutes of the crying, I just went in and fed him. He went to sleep. And woke up again three hours later.
So I know that I shouldn't expect Heavenly Father to jump in and calm Brady down and get him to sleep the whole night, but on the other hand then what is faith? If he doesn't sleep through the night, am I lacking in faith? Or is it just that it isn't God's will? So confusing.
I just read this quote by Elder Deiter F. Uchtdorf on Pinterest:
“When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist
the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice
in prayer—no matter how eloquent the oration.”
Which leaves me wondering again, which one am I? I am guessing the one sitting in the wagon. He probably was really tired as well. So I guess my pushing would be to read all these books finding the right technique for little Brady. Dang it, I may have answered my question. I really wanted to be the pusher just waiting for assistance. :)
This whole post may not make sense or may seem weird, but really, I am just tired. I am so tired. It is impossible to do the things I need to do with how much sleep I've been getting. Only if Ryan still napped! :) And when I am feeling emotions, writing it down really helps me process it. Which is why I have this blog, to write when I feel like it about anything I want.
I was just thinking about this and how I don't really know the answer. But maybe if I write it down it will come to me... you know tonight at around 1 am or 4 am when Brady wakes up. :) Or just maybe I will have a tender mercy of him sleeping through the night. Keeping my fingers crossed for either. :)
P.S. I wrote this post and then forgot to add the quote by Elder Uchtdorf, the reason for me even writing this post. :) And then it answered my question, but I didn't want to erase the other stuff, so it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I am not going to waste time moving things around. Anyone who reads this will just have to deal. Now to go to bed and still keep my fingers crossed. :)