Sunday, July 31, 2011

LOVE

I found a pin on Pinterest about how to keep your marriage strong. Jared and I have a great marriage, but we don't put a TON of effort in it. And just like anything else, if you don't put a lot of effort into it, someday, it might fizzle. And even if it doesn't fizzle, it just won't be much fun! So these are some great suggestions to keep marriage strong and an important part of your life. Jared and I sat down and read these suggestions and came up with the ones we really wanted to work on.
  • Life in general can make us tired, but sometimes we are trying to do too much and that makes us really tired. When we are really tired we don’t have the energy to “be together”. Assess your families life. Are there some things that you could cut out so you have more energy to be together. Be sure your family isn’t over scheduled. Activities are good, for you and your kids, but too many will mean your family is not getting stronger, instead you get weaker because there is no energy to spend with one another.
  • Establish a bed time for your children, and stick with it. Not only will it be better for your children, but it will give you and your husband time to be together everyday. This alone time is very important when you are trying to establish “similar temperatures”.
  • When you have time together at night because the kids have a bed time you stick with, spend that time talking. Turn off the television, turn off the computer and any other technological distractions and Talk. Remember when you were courting, when things were “how they used to be”. Remember when you fell in love? You probably talked a lot together. Try it again, only listen and learn as if it’s the first time, and don’t interrupt. You have to make time to do this on a daily basis. 15 minutes of talking daily is one of the surest ways to keep the two of you from “drifting apart”. 15 minutes doesn’t sound like much, but most (like 80%) of couples, don’t talk to one another for 15 minutes a day. Pay attention to one another the way you used to.
  • Along these same lines, if you have a television in your bedroom, take it out. Let your bedroom be open to connection through words and touch.
  • Go on dates. Weekly. Or at least every other week. Baby sitters are much less expensive than therapists. It is okay to leave the kids and go do something together. This sends a message to your children that your marriage is important. Hold hands, walk slow and enjoy being together. Treat each other with kindness and respect and you will feel the temperature rise as you spend time just the two of you. This can include a night away with one another. You can’t expect to retain feelings of love when you neglect your companionship.
  • Find things you like to do together and do them. Don’t give up the things that made you so happy at the earlier phase of your marriage. Be intentional and do things together.
  • Say hello and goodbye to one another. When your husband leaves for work, don’t just holler “bye” from the kitchen. Go to him, give him a kiss, an I Love You, and say goodbye. Connect the same way when he comes home. When you were dating I bet you wrapped your arms around him and wouldn’t let go. Do that again.
  • Go to bed at the same time. Establish a nightly routine that allows you and your husband to climb into bed at the same time. Laugh and chat while you brush your teeth. This routine should happen every night if possible.
  • This one is direct. For the next three months, you and your husband each commit to being intimate twice a week. You are responsible for initiating once, and your husband the other. When it’s your turn, set the mood, the place and the time, the agenda. When it’s your husbands turn, be a willing participant. You will quickly see that those two days of the week you may treat each other better than you did when you were first married. Set aside time and make it a priority.
  • Don’t be so judgmental and hard on yourself. Let go of the thought that you don’t look like you did before you had kids, or when you were younger. Be comfortable and confident in your own skin. We are always hardest on ourselves. Relax and learn to love yourself.
  • Make your bedroom a safe haven. I am so guilty of this one. If I am not careful, our bedroom becomes the dumping ground for everything undone. Especially unfolded laundry. I always think by putting it on the bed, it will force me to fold it before I go to sleep. Yeah, doesn’t always work. It is the last place in the house to get vacuumed and dusted. Our bedrooms should be a safe and comfortable place for our relationships. Make the bed everyday, don’t let it become the laundry room, and attend to it just like you do the rest of your house. It will make a big difference when you climb in to bed with your spouse each night.

Here are the ones we are working on:

Establish a bedtime for your children and stick with it!: We had been doing pretty badly with Ryan's bed time. We mean to get him to bed earlier but during the summer it's just been hard. So this suggestion really helped us commit to sticking with a set bed time.

Spend that time talking: We decided that this is really a great suggestion! We often put the kids to bed and go our separate ways, Jared playing games and me on the computer. We can still do these things, but we make sure to connect with each other and spend at least 15 minutes going over everything in the day.

Go on dates: We don't really feel that we can go weekly, so we decided to go every other week. And we can easily keep it pretty cheap. We just had our first date on Friday where we went to see Harry Potter, went to eat at Cafe Rio, and had dessert at Farrs Ice Cream. All for $15! We really planned ahead and got good deals. Our next date will be our anniversary! We're excited for that!

Don’t give up the things that made you so happy at the earlier phase of your marriage: We decided to read books together. We both like to read so sitting on the couch, cuddling, and reading books would be really nice. Some times we watch movies. Some times we play video games. But the reading will be more often and I think will be fun.

Say hello and goodbye to one another: We have been guilty of just saying Bye in the mornings without a kiss. We decided that no matter what we will kiss hello and goodbye. Ryan now wants kisses too! I'm glad to see we're rubbing off on him. :)

Go to bed at the same time: We hadn't been doing very well with this one. This one is so important because pillow talk is such a great way to connect at the end of the day. We also decided that along with this, we need to start going to bed at 11 pm. As you can see, it is now 12:14 am, we aren't doing a great job! :) We need to be lots better about our bed time.

Be intimate twice a week: When I read this, I thought that it was about once a week too many for me! Jared was pretty excited about this suggestion. I wasn't extremely excited, but what is funny is that I've done my job two weeks in a row and he hasn't done his. So nothing has changed much except for the fact that he can't say I refuse because I'm the only one initiating at this point. :) It makes me smile. When I read this, it just really hit home to me how important being intimate is. Even if you are too tired and don't put much into it, it's better to do it than put it off. It makes me wonder if a lot of people who fall out of love, do so because they have stopped being intimate. Of course that may not be the only reason, but it plays a huge part. I am going to try a lot harder and do my part. And quite honestly, it's been kind of fun knowing that I have to initiate. It definitely has made things a little more exciting.

Another thing we have decided to do is to have Family Home Evening once a week. If we don't get to it on Monday, we do it at the first possible opportunity. It's been really nice. We've done FHE twice so far and I know we'll continue doing it.

"Use your alone time to compliment one another and express gratitude for all your spouse does. Thank him for all the ways he supports your family. Tell your husband how you feel when he acknowledges all the hard work you do for him and for your children."

This last quote is something I need to work on. If I can do this better, we will definitely be on our way to being a lot happier and more "in love" like we were when we first got married.

It's been kind of exciting trying these new things and I know that they will be worth it.

2 comments:

  1. These are all such great suggestions! I think I need to work on all of these. Twice a week? Wow! How about twice a month! Haha!

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  2. Shirley,

    Yep. Good suggestions. The one about no TV in the bedroom... Tyson had to agree to this one before I'd marry him. It really sucks the life out of the peaceful haven the bedroom can be. Good for you for working on your marriage. If you don't, absolutely, you'll end up drifting apart. Anything that is well maintained takes time and work. As always, I'd love it if you shared your link that you found. I love following these things. If you want other suggestions ever, let me know. From all my research and job (and application in my personal life), I have some helpful ideas. :)

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