Spiritual Sunday

This weekend was a great weekend for me. General Conference alone, makes for an amazing weekend, but I had some great insights that I'd like to share.

One of my biggest trials is "not having enough time." I always ask other mommas how they do it. I have always known what my problem was, but made excuses or said how much I needed it. Here it goes: I am addicted to the internet. Whenever I have a spare moment, I HAVE to check my email or Facebook or blogs. When I run out of stuff with those, I am trying to think of something else to do. Watch shows, search for stuff, shop, go on Babycenter.com, etc. These are all such time wasters.

I made excuses saying that if I check it through out the day, then I don't spend much time on it at each sitting. I have said how much I NEED Facebook to help me interact with the outside world being a stay-at-home-mom. I still feel these excuses swimming around in my head. I guess that's when I realized that I am addicted. I have the hardest time saying no and having a butt load of excuses at my back, kind of spells out that I am.

There was a talk today on addiction. Not necessarily addiction alone, but on something else. What I gleamed from this talk was that learning self control is the only way to be free. When I think about it, I do feel trapped by my addiction. There are so many character and spirit building activities that I want to do, but never have the time for.

Another talk pointed out how we all have trials. Silly me, I thought, I don't really have that bad of trials. Then I realized that the person I am is so far away from the person I want to be. Big trials are easy to get over and they are easy to get closer to Heavenly Father, because you turn directly to Him. I can see how big trials are given by Him, because they push us harder towards who we need to become. Of course, it doesn't have to be that way, but it's true. The easier our lives go, the more we forget about how dependent we are on Heavenly Father. We become so selfish and independent, some times forgetting our purpose and falling from the path.

In college, I went through some pretty hard times. That was when I was closest to my Heavenly Father. I knew He knew me and loved me. I studied the scriptures so hard. I was so thirsty for knowledge of the plan and how I could better myself. That is the person I want to be again. But I will never get there if I don't acknowledge my addiction and try to get through it. Oy, what an addiction to have!

We use the internet everyday. I will never be able to get away from it fully. Cutting off our internet just isn't plausible, especially since I use it for work every night. One thing I've thought of is giving myself a time limit to spend a day. Once I hit it, I can't go back on the computer. Or I could just use the computer at night after Ryan goes to bed and after I am done with work. I think I might try both for a week and see what works best for me. Man, even thinking about it is giving my stomach knots. But I know it will be good. I tried it a little yesterday and I cleaned the whole house. It felt so good to get some stuff done. Thank goodness for Easter and conference weekend because Facebook and my blog list were so dead! :)

So here I am, telling the full truth, completely embarrassed by it, but acknowledging the necessity of it. I want to be better. I want to be closer to a person that my Father in Heaven would be proud of. I know that I am not alone in this and that I can turn to Him. Luckily, that is the best part. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have and that I don't have to go through this alone. I am so thankful for Christ and everything He has done for me.

In conference, the choir sang, "He is Risen!" What a beautiful song! Here are the words:

He is risen! He is risen!
Tell it out with joyful voice
He has burst his three days prison
Let the whole wide earth rejoice
Death is conquered, man is free
Christ has won the victory

Come with high and holy hymning
Chant our Lord's triumphant lay
Not one darksome cloud is dimming
Yonder glorious morning ray
Breaking o'er the purple east
Symbol of our Easter feast

He is risen! He is risen!
He hath opened heaven's gate
We are free from sin's dark prison
Risen to a holier state
And a brighter Easter beam
On our longing eyes shall stream

I know Christ came to this Earth. He lived and died so that I might be able to live to the fullest measure of my creation. I can feel His love for me in so many places. He knows me and has given me so many tools to use to become more like Him. I am so grateful for the church I am in and the knowledge I have. I know that there isn't an end at death. I know that families are forever. How grateful I am for that! I am so grateful for temples on this earth so I can be sealed with my husband and our posterity with us. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's church on Earth. The prophet and apostles are His mouth piece, giving revelation in our day. I want to tell everyone out in the world that Christ has risen! He lives and loves us. My heart is full of joy. I know if we seek Him daily, we will be happy, experiencing true joy. This is my testimony.