Aspiring to be Fit

Tired

2011-11-29T15:24:00.001-08:00

Ever feel like you're being pulled in so many directions that you're not able to be good at anything?

I used to think that I did my best when I was super busy. I also thought that the only thing I did really well was my job, but even now that's starting to slump. I'm just so tired.

I feel like something is wrong with me. I just don't know how to get out of this funk. When I think about doing things, almost anything, I just procrastinate, hoping it never comes.

The first thing I want to be better at is being a wife. I've been a terrible wife lately. All naggy and not very supportive. What husband does well under that?

I also have been stinking at my main job, being a mom. Ryan drives me CRAZY! And I know part of that is not spending good quality time with him. The other part is I am just tired. When you're tired, patience is thin.

Cleaning in my house is pretty much non-existent. I do laundry when it needs to be done. I wipe down the counters and table every day and I do dishes every day. That's about it. This house needs a good vacuuming and mopping and bathroom cleaning.

For work, I am three projects behind. I am also two videos behind. I am also giving up doing the blog advertising to someone else because I just know that I am not doing as good as I should be. Right this very moment, I should be working, making a cute hanging decoration for our front door, but I just want to sleep. But I can't sleep because I should start making dinner.

The only thing that I am consistent at right now is making dinner. We have a good dinner every night. We eat at 7 pm usually, but at least we eat and we eat at the table.

I just hate this funk. I don't feel like myself at all. There is so much I want to do, but I just can't make myself do it. I used to get so mad at Jared when he would act this way. I couldn't understand it at all. Now I feel bad, because I understand and it's miserable.

Is something wrong with me? Is it just Stay-At-Home-Mom blues? When will it pass over? Because I'd really like to be myself again.

Tried and Failed... Or Did I?

2011-10-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

I decided one day that the way to spend less time on the computer was to not allow myself to get on until the house was cleaned. And when Brady was awake, I would spend time with both the boys. Well I wasn't getting on the computer until after lunch. Which isn't terrible. But for some reason, the time I thought I would be spending cleaning was spent just with the boys. That isn't terrible either. So everything should be wonderful right?

Well after three days of this I found myself an emotional wreck. I asked Jared to come home early one day because I just couldn't take it. Ryan and I were bickering. (Trying to potty train may have had something to do with it.) But mostly I was DYING for some time to myself.

Later I wondered if I NEED my 5 minute break here and there on the computer. That that is what gets me through the day. Then I thought... or maybe it's just my addiction showing through. And then I thought... really? I can look at this situation without trying to make myself feel guilty, right? Being on the computer isn't like an addiction to drugs or alcohol. It brings me something that every human being needs. A break here and there! :) And a way to connect to others when I am holed up in the house with a potty training toddler.

The next day I went back to my old ways and it was one of the best days I had in awhile. I got a lot more done than I had the previous days, Ryan and I got along wonderfully, and I was happy.

Some people say our first priority is our children. Others say our first priorities should be ourselves and then our children. That if mom isn't happy, then how could she help her children be happy. I never understood that until last week. It is SO true!

I am not saying that I am perfect with my time management, but it seems to me that letting myself get on facebook or check a blog once every couple hours keeps my sanity in check, which makes me happier and helps everyone around me be happier.

Who knew? :)

Conference

2011-10-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

I LOVE conference!

And I really really really needed it.

I was fortunate that Ryan takes a nap in the afternoon so I could really listen to the afternoon session.

I have been thinking for awhile that I miss how close I was to the Lord when I was in college before I was married. I almost wished for a trial so I could have the need to reach out to Him. Then in church the other day I realized that I do.

I am not saying that this need is a trial, but I do need my Heavenly Father. Motherhood is something extremely difficult to say the least. Throw in a 2 1/2 year old with endless energy and smarts that drive you crazy and you are in awe off and it's hard.

I've told people that I've been defeated for awhile. I have had lots of book recommendations (which, it's the beginning of the month so I can get my hands on some!) and full intentions of reading them and trying some strategies out.

But what I realized in church is that Motherhood isn't just taking care of a child. It is a calling that has been bestowed on us by Heavenly Father. Books are great, but I need to be going to my Heavenly Father for direction. I need to be sharing with him all my thoughts and feelings. I need to be praying more often, reading the scriptures more often, serving more often. Doing things that can bring me closer to the Lord so I can be ready for guidance in this amazing calling.

In conference today there was a talk by a general authority. He said that in hard times we shouldn't be looking down, discouraged, but upwards towards our Father in Heaven. For in him we may find peace, strength, and joy in whatever comes our way. He had been feeling the burden of being a general authority. He was heading down the elevator with his head down. The door opened and a man walked in. The general authority didn't even look up. Just kept his head down. Just then President Monson asked the general authority what he was looking at on the floor? The general authority said, "Oh, nothing." President Monson then said, "In times like these, we need to be looking upward." Then he left the elevator. (Of course I am totally paraphrasing this story! :)

It's such a basic concept, but I truly have lost it since becoming a mother. I am so tired at night that I roll into bed. And in the morning, I don't get out of bed until one of the kids is screaming for me. Prayers just don't seem right then. But these are just excuses. And I've realized that excuses do not excuse activities that bring us closer to the Lord. We NEED him. These excuses would be made lighter if we did these things that we are trying to excuse.

Anyway, I kind of went off on a tangent, but my point is that I went into this conference with a prayer in my heart that I could be taught more about motherhood and what I should do. I had four talks that really touched me in just one session. I missed two other talks so there could have been more. :)

In the first session, Ryan was awake and I didn't get much of anything. I had to go upstairs and feed Brady and missed the announcement of the temples, which was such a bummer! I can't believe the Provo Tabernacle is being rebuilt as a temple! Two temples in Provo and one coming in Payson. Absolutely amazing. Ryan was being rambunctious (upset that I had the TV on for me and it wasn't playing MarioKart), but at the end, the Tabernacle Choir sang "I am a Child of God." I had tears streaming down my face. We sing this song so often, but the words "Lead me, Guide me, Walk beside me. Help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do to live with him someday," really touched my heart. I am yearning for that guidance and that support. I know that if I ask and if I prepare myself to receive such blessings, it will happen. I had this warm feeling still with me when the second session started.

First I heard a talk on Parenthood. It was something that softened my heart. This speaker talked about how it is a commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. The choice to have children is only made between a man, woman, and the Lord. We should never judge others' choices in these matters. I admit that I may have said something about how close people have their children or how they could even afford them or how they may afford them but only because of government help. In the past, this had made me upset. But now I realize that these are means which help children come into the world. I'm not saying people should have tons of babies and never get out of poverty, but that I need to trust that people have their own revelations and it is certainly not my place to judge them.

Also from this talk was a quote from President Monson. He said that in times when a couple has to scrimp and save is one of the best time of their life. They learn and go to their Heavenly Father for support and build strong testimonies during this time of trial. Jared and I waited to have children until we were done with school. I don't regret that decision. I know that if we were supposed to have children earlier, we would have. If we did, we would have had to work harder and be more grateful for smaller things. And who is to say that is bad?

This also gave me perspective on our circumstances now. School loans and car debt weigh heavily on us. "If only..." is a phrase we use often. :) We have done everything we can to increase our payments, but it will be awhile before they are all paid off. We get to the end of the month and ask, "Where did all our money go?" We don't feel we are excessive in our spending, but perhaps we really need to cut back. We have decided to start a cash budget. This will be for things that we certainly don't NEED so when we run out of the cash, we're done. It's going to be very interesting! :) We will save money in the beginning of the month and hopefully we won't run out of money by the end. If we do, then we need to cut some things that might not be needs. We have faith that if we set up the budget and follow it, being accountable to each other, we'll be okay. We will grow from this.

Amazing what you can get out of a talk on Parenthood, right? :)

The next talk was on time. This general authority was speaking directly to me. I have not been very good at managing my time. I do farely well, but with how busy I am, I need to be a lot better. Sometimes the things that are most important in my life are lower on my priority list. Lately Ryan will come up to me on the computer, pull on my arm, and say, "Mom, stop working!" That just breaks my heart. I still need to work, but the free time that I do have needs to be spent with more focus on him.

This general authority directly talked about phones (smart phones, thankfully I don't have one!), Facebook, Twitter, etc. He didn't say Pinterest, but I am sure if he knew about it, he would have! :) The computer is where I waste my time. I don't waste it watching tv or playing games or even reading books. If I am wasting time, I am at my computer. The general authority said that wasting time is a lot like being idle. Which I completely agree with. If you're wasting time, you're not getting things done.

There is so much to do in this world. There is so much to do to prepare us for exaltation. There is always someone to serve, someone to help, something to learn, something to teach, someone to love, etc. He also said a quote by Elder Uchtdorf, "Love is spelled T.I.M.E." How true is that?

We need to be masters of time management. It is absolutely important as a member of the LDS church. The general authority said that we need to prioritize our time as well. Family, Church, Work are very important things. I kind of sighed a sigh of relief when he said work because I have to do it from home. I don't believe I work excessively, but I do think that since I work a lot on the computer, I allow myself to get distracted and my time at the computer is compounded. I think maybe if I allow myself 30 minutes in the morning to check my email, blogs, facebook, pinterest, etc. and another hour at night, I should be good. And when I am on the computer for blogging purposes for work, I need to keep it at that. If I do this, I will have a much happier (and easier to handle) child and a cleaner house, that's for sure! Also I will have more time to fulfill things that will actually lift me up and give me strength such as prayer, scripture study, and service.

Time management is absolutely necessary and this leads me to the next talk that I enjoyed.

The next talk was on repentance. Repentance is something that I know of very deeply. I have had trials that I worked through with my bishop and have never felt so close to the Lord as I did then. I know what it is to repent and how to do it. I know the wonderful feeling it brings and how much peace it brings. In the many years since, I haven't felt like I am a person that NEEDS to repent. Of course we repent of little things during the Sacrament on Sundays, but I haven't needed to kneel down and repent heavily in prayer. Or so I thought.

I put this talk and the time management talk together. Since my time management skills are lacking, it is affecting my responsibilities as a wife and mother. I feel like I need to repent of the times that I let Ryan watch tv for an hour so I could catch up on Facebook, blogs, etc. An hour! Time is so precious with our little ones. I am not saying he shouldn't watch any tv, I am saying that I do this way too often. I want my time on the computer and some times I want him to leave me alone and do his own thing. I know most mothers have felt this way at one time or another. Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's okay. It's okay to have the feeling, but not okay to act on it, right? I feel like after listening to this talk, I need to repent of my sins. I am a mother of a wonderful two year old who needs me. He looks up to me to assist him in ALL of his needs. How am I doing? Am I doing my best? That's all that is asked of me in this calling of Motherhood and I am so sad to say that I am not. Not even close. I feel absolutely terrible about it.

Next is to repent. And repent until I feel that I have been forgiven and that I don't repeat this sin again. That is huge. Very huge. Especially since I still have that addicted feeling towards these social media sites. But if I confide in my Heavenly Father and ask for help, he will help me. He will lead me, guide me, and then walk beside me. What a wonderful gift.

I feel so loved during this conference. I know that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me. A Father who heard my sincere prayer to find inspiration in the talks I hear this conference. He really delivered on his part. Now I just have to be sure to deliver on mine.

I bear my testimony that we are children of a Father in Heaven who loves us. That Jesus Christ loves us with a love that we might not comprehend. This is his true church and I know that the men and women who spoke today are servants of Him and I know the words they spoke are true. I felt it. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life, and for the atonement. That I can repent and be made a better person. And I know that there will be so much joy in the months that come as I go through this process. We are so loved. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

No Motivation

2011-08-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Last week I skipped one day.

One day turned into "why bother working out since I was going to Bear Lake and going to eat a lot anyway."

Then Brady decided to start waking up in the middle of the night again. Twice. At the same time, Ryan decided to start waking up at 7 am.

Let's just say I am tired.
And during the kids' nap time, I want to sleep too.

I know I need to be better. I know that I have so much to do and I can't do it unless I make a commitment everyday.

So here is my confession of my slacking off. I know I shouldn't wait for a good night's sleep, but hopefully tonight is the night. :) And I'll be back to working out tomorrow.

My First "Run"

2011-08-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

I went running today!

This is huge news! :)

I finally got the new jogging stroller out of our front hallway. Once I put the kids in, I realized that one of the tires is a little flat so that made it a little harder to push. Because of this, I didn't run. I just went speed walking around my neighborhood. I went twice in the circle. We were gone for about 45 minutes. Not too bad, right?!

Ryan loved it! He loved pointing things out. When we walked by some houses that back our house, Ryan saw our back yard and exclaimed, "There's my HOUSE!" He was so happy to see our house! haha. I love him.

Brady did really well too! It was fun and I'm glad I went.
I just need to find someone with a bike pump. :)

My jogging stroller is AWESOME!

The sun shade moves so I can block the sun from going in the kids' eyes. Brilliant!

When we were all done, Ryan was all thumbs up.
Here is him saying, "Thumbs up, Dude!"

Next time I go will be either Saturday or Tuesday.

Oh and I'm also deciding to stop eating sweets for 5 weeks. I am just trying to decide if I want to stop today or tomorrow. I've already licked the lid off of Ryan's chocolate pudding. :)

On The Road Again...

2011-08-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

I am back on the road to being fit!!

I started working out last week and have worked out for over a week now! Yay!

I am pretty proud of myself for sticking with it despite everything else going on. The only thing I need to do now is start running. I plan on running tuesdays, thursdays, and some saturdays. I haven't done it yet because I want to run with the kids but Brady hasn't been waking up early enough. I think a lot of it is just an excuse. Now that I have been working out to my Lindsay Brin DVD, I'm more into the working out vibe and I think I will be able to start running tomorrow.

Well part of my road to being fit is posting pictures of myself!

I am much more motivated seeing pictures of me now than seeing pictures of me skinny. Seeing pictures of me now makes me want to pick up a weight and go running immediately! haha.

Here is a picture from the last time I worked out (before I got pregnant with my miscarriage baby) and at 9 months pregnant with Brady and 40 pounds heavier. :)

Here is my first postpartum picture.

This is a picture of me not flexing. I know now that you need to learn how to constantly be flexing your tummy and your body will get used to it. But this picture is a reminder of how it looks when I'm not doing that. :)

I am now 145 pounds and my goal weight is at least 125. I would like to be 140 in just 6 weeks, if not sooner. I'll update my pictures in three weeks and I hope we see progress! :)

LOVE

2011-07-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

I found a pin on Pinterest about how to keep your marriage strong. Jared and I have a great marriage, but we don't put a TON of effort in it. And just like anything else, if you don't put a lot of effort into it, someday, it might fizzle. And even if it doesn't fizzle, it just won't be much fun! So these are some great suggestions to keep marriage strong and an important part of your life. Jared and I sat down and read these suggestions and came up with the ones we really wanted to work on.

Life in general can make us tired, but sometimes we are trying to do too much and that makes us really tired. When we are really tired we don’t have the energy to “be together”. Assess your families life. Are there some things that you could cut out so you have more energy to be together. Be sure your family isn’t over scheduled. Activities are good, for you and your kids, but too many will mean your family is not getting stronger, instead you get weaker because there is no energy to spend with one another.

Establish a bed time for your children, and stick with it. Not only will it be better for your children, but it will give you and your husband time to be together everyday. This alone time is very important when you are trying to establish “similar temperatures”.

When you have time together at night because the kids have a bed time you stick with, spend that time talking. Turn off the television, turn off the computer and any other technological distractions and Talk. Remember when you were courting, when things were “how they used to be”. Remember when you fell in love? You probably talked a lot together. Try it again, only listen and learn as if it’s the first time, and don’t interrupt. You have to make time to do this on a daily basis. 15 minutes of talking daily is one of the surest ways to keep the two of you from “drifting apart”. 15 minutes doesn’t sound like much, but most (like 80%) of couples, don’t talk to one another for 15 minutes a day. Pay attention to one another the way you used to.

Along these same lines, if you have a television in your bedroom, take it out. Let your bedroom be open to connection through words and touch.

Go on dates. Weekly. Or at least every other week. Baby sitters are much less expensive than therapists. It is okay to leave the kids and go do something together. This sends a message to your children that your marriage is important. Hold hands, walk slow and enjoy being together. Treat each other with kindness and respect and you will feel the temperature rise as you spend time just the two of you. This can include a night away with one another. You can’t expect to retain feelings of love when you neglect your companionship.

Find things you like to do together and do them. Don’t give up the things that made you so happy at the earlier phase of your marriage. Be intentional and do things together.

Say hello and goodbye to one another. When your husband leaves for work, don’t just holler “bye” from the kitchen. Go to him, give him a kiss, an I Love You, and say goodbye. Connect the same way when he comes home. When you were dating I bet you wrapped your arms around him and wouldn’t let go. Do that again.

Go to bed at the same time. Establish a nightly routine that allows you and your husband to climb into bed at the same time. Laugh and chat while you brush your teeth. This routine should happen every night if possible.

This one is direct. For the next three months, you and your husband each commit to being intimate twice a week. You are responsible for initiating once, and your husband the other. When it’s your turn, set the mood, the place and the time, the agenda. When it’s your husbands turn, be a willing participant. You will quickly see that those two days of the week you may treat each other better than you did when you were first married. Set aside time and make it a priority.

Don’t be so judgmental and hard on yourself. Let go of the thought that you don’t look like you did before you had kids, or when you were younger. Be comfortable and confident in your own skin. We are always hardest on ourselves. Relax and learn to love yourself.

Make your bedroom a safe haven. I am so guilty of this one. If I am not careful, our bedroom becomes the dumping ground for everything undone. Especially unfolded laundry. I always think by putting it on the bed, it will force me to fold it before I go to sleep. Yeah, doesn’t always work. It is the last place in the house to get vacuumed and dusted. Our bedrooms should be a safe and comfortable place for our relationships. Make the bed everyday, don’t let it become the laundry room, and attend to it just like you do the rest of your house. It will make a big difference when you climb in to bed with your spouse each night.

Here are the ones we are working on:

Establish a bedtime for your children and stick with it!: We had been doing pretty badly with Ryan's bed time. We mean to get him to bed earlier but during the summer it's just been hard. So this suggestion really helped us commit to sticking with a set bed time.

Spend that time talking: We decided that this is really a great suggestion! We often put the kids to bed and go our separate ways, Jared playing games and me on the computer. We can still do these things, but we make sure to connect with each other and spend at least 15 minutes going over everything in the day.

Go on dates: We don't really feel that we can go weekly, so we decided to go every other week. And we can easily keep it pretty cheap. We just had our first date on Friday where we went to see Harry Potter, went to eat at Cafe Rio, and had dessert at Farrs Ice Cream. All for $15! We really planned ahead and got good deals. Our next date will be our anniversary! We're excited for that!

Don’t give up the things that made you so happy at the earlier phase of your marriage: We decided to read books together. We both like to read so sitting on the couch, cuddling, and reading books would be really nice. Some times we watch movies. Some times we play video games. But the reading will be more often and I think will be fun.

Say hello and goodbye to one another: We have been guilty of just saying Bye in the mornings without a kiss. We decided that no matter what we will kiss hello and goodbye. Ryan now wants kisses too! I'm glad to see we're rubbing off on him. :)

Go to bed at the same time: We hadn't been doing very well with this one. This one is so important because pillow talk is such a great way to connect at the end of the day. We also decided that along with this, we need to start going to bed at 11 pm. As you can see, it is now 12:14 am, we aren't doing a great job! :) We need to be lots better about our bed time.

Be intimate twice a week: When I read this, I thought that it was about once a week too many for me! Jared was pretty excited about this suggestion. I wasn't extremely excited, but what is funny is that I've done my job two weeks in a row and he hasn't done his. So nothing has changed much except for the fact that he can't say I refuse because I'm the only one initiating at this point. :) It makes me smile. When I read this, it just really hit home to me how important being intimate is. Even if you are too tired and don't put much into it, it's better to do it than put it off. It makes me wonder if a lot of people who fall out of love, do so because they have stopped being intimate. Of course that may not be the only reason, but it plays a huge part. I am going to try a lot harder and do my part. And quite honestly, it's been kind of fun knowing that I have to initiate. It definitely has made things a little more exciting.

Another thing we have decided to do is to have Family Home Evening once a week. If we don't get to it on Monday, we do it at the first possible opportunity. It's been really nice. We've done FHE twice so far and I know we'll continue doing it.

"Use your alone time to compliment one another and express gratitude for all your spouse does. Thank him for all the ways he supports your family. Tell your husband how you feel when he acknowledges all the hard work you do for him and for your children."

This last quote is something I need to work on. If I can do this better, we will definitely be on our way to being a lot happier and more "in love" like we were when we first got married.

It's been kind of exciting trying these new things and I know that they will be worth it.

FHE

2011-07-18T23:56:00.000-07:00

We had family home evening tonight!

For the first time!

I found a website dedicated to 52 lessons for FHE for the whole year. The lessons have everything included in them so it was really easy to print and look over and do the lesson.

We sang I am a child of god, which is one of Ryan's favorite songs. Then we talked about how we are children of heavenly father and that heaven is far away. We talked about how heavenly father gave us all talents and stuff that we like and these things make us different and special. And that heavenly father gave us all of this because he loves us. Then Ryan drew himself... it was stinkin' cute!.. and glued activities he likes onto the paper. He loved this!

We also had family prayers tonight.

It was so nice. Even though the message was simple and Ryan was being a little grumpy, I totally felt the spirit. I felt my heart swell when I bore my testimony about how Heavenly Father loves us to Ryan.

Oh and an update about Facebook. I really do need it to keep in contact with people so what I did was go through and hide a lot of my friends. I hid the ones that I never comment on their stuff or they never comment on mine. I kept all of my friends in my neighborhood and ward and family members. And of course I kept my close friends that I never see, but talk to almost daily though Facebook. It has decreased the amount of time I spend on Facebook SO much! And I love it.

Since I am not on Facebook, today I cleaned the living room, swept the kitchen floor, vacuumed the living room, did some laundry, packed some 0-3 months clothes and put away the 3-6 months clothes, did all the mommy stuff and worked a ton today during ryan's nap. It was just nice to get some things done, especially the cleaning.

Church was interesting. I actually got more out of sacrament meeting than any other meeting. Usually I don't hear a word in sacrament because of Ryan and I find my uplifting messages in the other meetings.

I think Faith was the main thing I got from Sunday. Faith is something that I definitely need to work on. I don't rely on the Lord nearly as much as maybe I should. I am more of a think about it and then do what's best. If something is out of my hands, I accept the consequence, but ask the Lord for assistance being fully prepared for none to come. Is that being negative? I feel like if I "practice faith", I am just putting myself in a position to be let down or to be disappointed. For me, maybe, faith is just doing the best with what you're given? The story the speaker gave was about a pioneer woman who had a very hard life, but she endured and had faith in all things. In relief society, the lesson was about our different levels of willingness. One is to do things because you don't want the consequence, second is to do things because you want the reward, and third is to do things because you love Heavenly Father.

I didn't think this at the time, but I wonder if you can do all of them. Obviously, if you do something because you love Heavenly Father, you want the reward as well and you don't want the consequence. Maybe I missed the point of the lesson. The teacher asked us where we stand. And I stand in all three places a lot of the time. Say with tithing... that is my main vice right now. I do it because I don't want to burn in hell. You know it's "fire insurance." I also do it because I know that blessing come from paying your tithing. The one I am working on right now is accepting that everything we have isn't ours. It was given to us by Heavenly Father and all he asks is to give 10% back. I'd rather just give it to him because I love him and want to obey his commandments, not because the thought that it is all his.

We have been fortunate lately and I know it is because we paid our tithing. It is really hard for me, but I do it. I know we will be blessed and I also want to be obedient.

Sorry I am totally rambling, but it's after 1 am and I'm trying not to think much before I type. I really should be in bed right now! :) I guess this post has gotten a lot longer than I planned.

The main point I guess is that we are trying really hard to be better and I love that I can see it working. I will write more on it maybe tomorrow. It's a great feeling. :)

Facebook

2011-07-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

I LOVE facebook. It is one of my favorite things. I love keeping tabs on people and sharing fun stuff.

But let's face it. It's not important and probably takes away more from my life than what it brings to it.

I am thinking about shutting it down. But like any addict, I feel extreme anxiety thinking about doing that.

I may just do it though.

Really I should shut down my internet, but that's just crazy. I need it for work and I need to blog. Therefore, we can't get rid of it.

But Facebook, your time may be coming...

Do You Feel Good Enough?

2011-07-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure that no one does and those who do feel like they are, probably aren't.

I am talking about the second coming.

We had a discussion in Sunday School (my first in a very long time!) and whether we are doing the things we should be to be prepared for the second coming and how if you are worthy enough to hold a temple recommend, you are worthy enough for the second coming.

(Side thought - we all talk about the second coming as a "someday". I know that I often say that I am not ready for the second coming, but really our own second coming could be any time if we were to pass away, so we can't really rely on the "someday".)

I was thinking that I hold a temple recommend, but I know I don't feel like I am good enough to stand in front of Jesus and know I've done all I can here.

Then I started thinking of all the things I should be doing. Praying more often, like morning and night and family prayers. Reading my scriptures and the Ensign. Going to the temple. Doing much more service. Holding family home evening. Looking for opportunities to enrich my soul.

My list is very long. But whose isn't? Anyway, I left Sunday School feeling pretty depressed and trying to find the motivation to actually make these changes in my life.

One of the things I know I can do is to be more Christlike. I need to look for opportunities to serve. I am usually pretty shy and scared and make excuses and I need to stop that. I also get too busy and forget to do the things on my list. So that is something I can really do.

Now sitting down to read scriptures is a much harder task. I was talking with the ladies at Bunco when one of them, a mother of teenagers, told me to stop feeling so bad about not being able to read my scriptures. She said that where I am at in my life right now just doesn't allow deep scripture study and pondering and that's okay.

She told me that I needed to write a scripture or a few scriptures around the house and make sure to look at them and ponder those through out the day. That that is just as good as sitting down and reading out of the scriptures, especially for where I am at right now.

Another friend told me that at a Relief Society meeting, I wasn't able to attend, Elder Nelson's wife said that being a mother is number one basically. If you're going to ignore your children so you can study the scriptures, you're missing the point.

Now I am not saying that it's bad to study the scriptures. If you're able to do it, yay for you! But maybe I need a more gradual approach and posting scriptures around the house is definitely the way to go. I think maybe we'll start doing family home evenings and Jared and I can pick two or three each and post them. I can't wait to start. :)

I guess one of the things I can do is prioritizing my days. I have been SO bad at this. I really need to write out a schedule for my day and stick to it. In this schedule, I can make sure I do something for someone else that day. Whether it be in the family or outside the home, whether it be a big act of service or just a kind word.

I really believe that being charitable and kind and loving to everyone is THE best quality of being Christlike. If I can achieve that, the other stuff will follow. I'd much rather be a person who helped people every day than one who sat down to read the scriptures for an hour a day. Some people may not have to choose, but at this time in my life I have to prioritize and I will focus on being a better person to my family, friends, and neighbors. And hopefully the scriptures I choose to focus on can help me with that. Also praying. I am really bad at praying and that is just something you really need to take advantage of. It is for US, not for Heavenly Father.

So I don't think I will ever feel good enough, but I hope that I will always be working on something to better myself and be worthy to stand at Christ's feet.

Balance

2011-06-27T20:57:00.001-07:00

That is the most important thing to learn in life. If you can learn that, you can enjoy so many things. Unfortunately, babies throw balance WAY off and it takes awhile to find it again.

So wondering how I am doing on the weight loss?

Well terrible to say the least.

I CRAVE sweets and snacks like it's my job. And I have a crappy bladder so I think running is out for awhile. AND I have no idea how to work in a work out during the day, which leaves night time. I definitely think I can make it work, it will just be hard to fit it in. I shower at night any way, so if I can just get motivation to do it at night, I'll be good. But considering I am EXHAUSTED by nightfall, I just wonder how this will happen.

I feel defeated.

But I know I can do it, I just have to do it.

But balancing this with cleaning, parenting, and working is hard. I HAVE to work now to pay our bills and try to pay down our debts. I want to work 20 hours a week and last paycheck I only averaged about 13 hours, which is good, but I need more.

Brady is 2 months old today.
I should probably take some pictures of him.
You know what, I'll take some of him and of me sporting my mushy belly.
It will be great motivation. :)

Sorry I am all over the place with this post. That is just how my brain works now. And I am too tired to go back and proofread and make it better. I don't think any one even reads this any more so I'll do what I want. :)

I'm Back!!

2011-05-24T20:53:00.000-07:00

Well soon I will be at least. :)

I don't know if any one still reads this blog, but I had Baby Brady 4 weeks ago and I'm about 2-3 weeks away from starting my weight loss journey again.

I have about 6 pounds to go before I hit my prepregnancy weight and then, of course, I am still working on getting under 130, and if possible, I'd love to be 125 or 120! So I'm going to work hard and hopefully get there by the end of the year.

I have all my DVD's from Moms Into Fitness and I got a jogging stroller for my birthday. I feel very prepared and can't wait to get started!

And I'll be posting a picture too. Ick, but you do what you gotta do to get motivated. :) I thought about taking a picture my first week after having the baby, but that's just depressing and unnecessary, right?

Anyway, two or three more weeks and I'll be posting. Yay!

What's Going On

2010-06-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't heard yet, I'm pregnant.

I got to my goal of 130 and went forward with the "process." It happened on the first try and guess what symptoms I have? Hunger and lots of it! During this time, I've had two family reunions where there was plentiful food. I was hungry and I ate it.

I stepped on the scale when I got back from California and guess what! I'm back to my old weight of 140 pounds!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

In my mind, I want to immediately start dieting. Can't! I <------ am prego! But I can eat healthier. Well I am still starving. So I still have to eat a lot of it. Oh well. And who knows how much of it is baby. I've heard of women getting bigger earlier in later pregnancies. I SWEAR!

One thing I've been way bad in is that I stopped working out. I've been working on The Ribbon Retreat Blog (lots of fun stuff if you haven't checked it out recently!) so working out has gone to the side. But I know I need to start it up again and work out to my prenatal dvds! So my goal is for next monday to start back up my routine. I know I won't lose weight, but this is so I can lose weight faster when this baby comes. I know I will be anxious to! And I hope I don't gain as much. I had such a fat face last time. So here's me crossing my fingers!

Crafts

2010-05-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am now the blog author for The Ribbon Retreat. All of my crafts will be going on there, so if you want to see what I'm up to, check it out. :)

I hope every one is doing well in all your goals!

Things are good with me. I can be better with everything, but I'm doing okay. I hurt my knee so I couldn't work out much last week. I also can be tons better with trying to be more like Jesus. Tomorrow is Sunday which is always awesome. It will be a great start to a new week!

Oh and speaking of new weeks, I have a massage on Monday! I got it for my birthday. Super excited! :)

This and That

2010-05-03T22:47:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I was able to go and hear Sheri Dew speak to our stake. It was pretty cool. It was an interesting experience that's for sure. It made me miss going to Relief Society. Funny how much I wanted to go and now that I am totally loving my calling, I don't care as much. BUT I do miss the spiritual enrichment that only Relief Society can provide.

One of the things I got out of Sheri Dew's talk was the same thing I get out of everything. To be a better person and a better disciple of Christ. To view this life with bigger glasses and look towards the eternal view, rather than just tomorrow. She even mentioned how technology is so bad because it takes us away from getting closer to Father in Heaven, and how I agree with that! See, instead of reading my scriptures, I am blogging! haha. I need to come up with a saying about an eternal perspective and put it up in my house. Anyone have any suggestions???

I haven't worked out in over a week! I have been so busy with my dad being here, and then I am working for my sister in law getting her website's blog started and starting to advertise on craft blogs. Emails take forever!!! It will be nice once it's all set up and I can focus on just the blog. I am sewing/crafting, using products from theribbonretreat.com and then posting about my experience as a novice extraordinaire. <-- I had to spell check that word. I think as we get older we forget how to sound things out. :)

I have done two posts over there so you can check them out! ribbonfairy.com. We haven't got the look of it completely set up yet, but once it is set up and I have a few more posts on there, we'll go live. I need to be posting a ton lately, and I just don't have time. It sucks. Maybe, I will magically get some time. :) I have a super long list of stuff I want to do, so it will be fun.

Anyways, back to the working out. I am at about 131/132 pounds right now. I'm happy about it, but my energy level is WAY down. I know it's because I haven't been working out. So for energy sake, I am going to work out again tomorrow and do it everyday. If I need to, I can work extra at night. Who needs sleep? (okay I do, but what's a girl to do?) I am going to be shopping in the next week or so for a new wardrobe for my birthday. I am not spending anything on decorations, and just on myself. Yay! I really need and deserve this I think. Wish me luck on being a size 6! :)

So that's a little update on where I am at right now. All three, physically, spiritually, and mentally (crafts). How are your goals coming along?

Why I Shouldn't Craft During Awake Times

2010-04-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

Because I may spill a butt load of paint and then instead of easily cleaning it, I have to rush to get towels while my one-year-old plays in the paint. I didn't get pictures, but there were little green footprints across the kitchen floor and hand prints on the oven.

My shirt was a vacation shirt from a sisters cruise three years ago, and my pants were my favorite sweats. Ryan's pajamas got paint all over them too. I am SO bummed I was an idiot, but I learned to not use paint while Ryan is awake, just in case something goes bad. I am laughing about it now, don't worry, and wishing I got better pictures. But this will have to do. Hopefully my warning can help other trying to be ambitious mamas.

New Desk

2010-04-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

I really needed to get that picture of those delicious looking brownies off the front page! People viewing the blog for the first time are probably wondering if this really IS a fitness blog. Don't fret, it really is and those weren't my brownies so I didn't get any. :)

The title is completely obvious. I bought a desk. A funny thing happened the other day. You know how I normally take our bills and put them on the kitchen counter? And how they go from the kitchen counter into a bag or a laundry bin full of crap to take upstairs? And then stuff gets lost and forgotten? Yeah? Well I was cleaning through one of the laundry bins full of crap and going through the unimportant mail that we open, shred, and throw away. Well I opened one from Wachovia that had a check for $250 freaking dollars!!! Yes $250! I couldn't believe it. It was a refund from when we refinanced our car through a new bank. I don't know how we missed that money. We even went through our budget that month. Suffice to say, I was VERY excited about this discovery.

Now I immediately started thinking about the possibilities for this money. Paying off some debt, fixing something in the car, new pants (still desperately needed!) and then I got the idea of a desk. Yes, a desk with a filing cabinet to put all my bills. How wonderful to be more organized right?

I found this cute one after a few days of searching KSL classifieds and a few furniture stores. I found it at WalMart for $130, pretty sweet! As soon as I saw it I was in love. It had the filing cabinet, but wasn't a monster and it fits perfectly where it needs to.

Can you tell I'm still working on the organizing part?

Many thanks to my wonderful hubby who put it together! It took THREE hours! It also didn't have the holes it needed so he had to drill some.

And if you were wondering... I want to get a floating shelf above it for pictures and desk stuff since it doesn't have a hutch, and then I want to do these cute flowers (matching my colors of course) from Design Dazzle. I am so ambitious huh? Someday it will all be up and cute. :) I am almost done with Ryan's room and will post pictures by next week. Super excited about that!

So Hungry!

2010-04-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

I've been working out harder to get rid of these 3 pounds quicker, but I find I am so much more hungry. I don't buy sweets any more but I am craving them like crazy! Ah!

Don't those brownies look so good? I bet they are. Instead I am having some crackers. Yes, it's 10:30 pm, but what do you do? I have to snack. Oy, maybe I won't be losing these last few pounds after all.

Quilting

2010-04-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have never quilted. I am not much of a sewer, although I would love to be, and I follow a ton of craft blogs and don't have much to show for it.

Right now on Obsessively Stitching, she is doing a quilting week and starting from the very beginning. I am so excited!!! This is one I am going to do!

http://obsessivelystitching.blogspot.com/2010/04/1st-quilt-ever-basic-quiltmaking.html

I have a ton of jeans that I will never be able to fit into that I want to make into a quilt. My sister-in-law just added a ton of fabric to her website, and I think taking some of that fabric and adding it to the jeans will make a fabulous quilt. Now I actually have somewhere to start and am so excited!

Great News!!

2010-04-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

When I got on the scale today it was 133!! I have been waiting for the scale to stay below 135, since my weight fluctuates between 2-3 pounds everyday, and it has stayed below 135 for 5 days now! Yay!!!

At night I am at my heaviest and last night I was 136, which is an awesome sign.

So I am going to officially say that I am 133 and I've lost 7 pounds so far! Only 3 more pounds to go and hopefully I can fit into a pair of 6's!

Wahoo!

Spiritual Sunday

2010-04-11T15:53:00.000-07:00

This is my grandma's favorite picture of Gethsemane.
I am so glad I was able to find it to post here.

I had the opportunity to speak in church today. I don't necessarily love to, but I can whip up a 10 minute talk and do fairly well, so it's not that big of a deal. But I haven't talked in so long, I was SO nervous! Luckily once I go up there my fears were put aside and I just tried to listen to the spirit so I could speak to the congregations heart's.

I was asked to speak on Gethsemane and Jared was asked to speak on the resurrection. There was one other speaker who went before us, and so Jared had about 5 minutes to speak. He was perfectly content with that! :) I wrote down my talk so I am going to put it on here for record keeping sake, more for me than any one else, but you're free to read it.

"Bro. Hokanson called many times to get a hold of us. Once he did, he gave us the two topics and let us decide who does what. He gave us Gethsemane and the resurrection. Both of those are seemingly difficult topics to me. They both represent such HUGE events in the world and the plan. It seemed like either one I chose, it didn't matter because it was going to be difficult. When I was pondering which one to do, I realized I don't know too much about Gethsemane. I have heard it over and over from teachers and in conference, but never actually studied it. That was when I decided to choose that topic. Jared seemed happy to be able to cover the resurrection.

After I made my decision, I went straight to the source and read about Gethsemane in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Learning that John doesn't go over it in the same way. My favorite one was Mark so I am going to read that one to you. Starting with the Joseph Smith Translation and ending in Mark.READ: MARK. After I had read this,I thought, that was it? One of the biggest events in the plan and it is covered in only a few verses? Not only that, but it isn't extremely insightful about WHAT happened in Gethsemane . That is when I learned how important it is to study not only these verses, but the topic. And the topic isn't necessarily Gethsemane, but the Atonement. When I think of Gethsemane, I feel sad thinking about the pure agony that Christ went through. But when I think of the Atonement, I feel pure joy. My mind doesn't immediately go to the pain, but the sacrifice and the gift of being able to return home that we have all been given.

In John 16:32-33 it says:__. In an address to CES educators, Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, read paper. (It basically says how sad the apostles were for what was to come with Christ's suffering and death. Elder Maxwell says that it should bring peace, knowing that the plan was to be fulfilled and we can make it back to our Heavenly Father through the atonement. I couldn't find the talk online, but I love Elder Maxwell and his words are so powerful.)

We should rejoice that good wins over evil. I realized while reading the passages of Gethsemane that Satan was ever present. While I was reading it, I thought, how can these apostles fall asleep during such an important time. I worked graveyards and I know what it is to be tired, but this wasn't watching misbehaving teenagers like I did, but being there for Christ. It is unfathomable to me. After reading the verses for the 4^th or 5^th time, I realized the part where Christ says, Watch and pray that ye not enter into temptation. Christ warns them of the temptation and they still succumb to it in a way. It proves how powerful Satan is and can be. What happened had to happen so that the plan could be fulfilled, and I am so glad that Satan was defeated and a way was made for me and you to be able to return to Father in Heaven.

I feel like as important we all know the Atonement was, it can be taken for granted. I'm not saying in the ways of sin now and repent later and all is good. But taking advantage of the fact that Christ is the Son of God, of course he could do it. I admit that I fell into the thinking of, yes it was painful and agonizing beyond all imagination, but there was never no doubt in my mind that it wouldn't be fulfilled.

In Elder Richard G. Scott's talk last week, he gave some great insights to what it was really like in the garden for Christ. During his talk, I actually had the thought of, who wouldn't have done this sacrifice? I would go through anything and death so the world could have the choice to be saved. But I knew that there is so much more to it than that. Willingness isn't enough alone. Remember Satan clearly was present and if he can make apostles disobey, who knows what would happen. It was right when I had this thought that this part of his talk came up. He says that Christ faced three challenges.

1: 'First, an enormous sense of responsibility, for He realized that except it be done perfectly, not one of His Father’s children could return to Him. They would be forever banished from His presence since there would be no way to repent for broken laws and no unclean thing can exist in the presence of God. His Father’s plan would have failed, and each spirit child would have been under the eternal control and torment of Satan.'

It had to be done perfectly. Knowing this, I probably would not volunteer. I know that I would fail and we would all be forever banished from his presence. Christ knew this. Even being the son of God, it was a heavy responsibility for him to carry. This part makes me appreciate his careful sacrifice even more.

2: 'Second, in His absolutely pure mind and heart, He had to personally feel the consequences of all that mankind would ever encounter, even the most depraved, despicable sins.'

Elder Scott says his mind and heart were absolutely pure. With this in mind, I picture my child, my son, not experiencing, but just watching anything horrific in nature and it tears my heart up. I can only imagine Christ's pure heart having to experience not only one instance, but every single awful sin in existence. Christ's pure heart is something I never realized and am thankful to have learned.

3: 'Third, He had to endure the vicious attack of Satan’s hordes while physically and emotionally pressed to the limit. Then, for reasons we do not fully know, while at the extremity of His capacity, at the time the Savior most needed succor, His Father allowed Him to shoulder the onerous responsibility with only His own strength and capacity.'

I have already mentioned the attacks from Satan, but Elder Scott affirms that Christ received them completely on his own. Elder Scott says, “I try to imagine what an intensely poignant moment it must have been for our Father in Heaven when the Savior cried out from the cross, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” I don’t believe Father in Heaven forsook His Son on the cross. I do believe the cry was motivated when that Son felt removed the sustaining support He had always enjoyed from His Father. His Father recognized that the Savior needed to accomplish the Atonement totally and completely on His own, without external support. The Father did not abandon His Son. He made it possible for His perfect Son to win the eternal fruits of the Atonement. ”

He goes on to say, “None of us can ever adequately appreciate in mortality the full beneficial consequences of the Atonement. ”

I feel the truth of that statement with all my heart. There is no way for us to understand it without really going through it, and that isn't even close to possible. Now that doesn't mean we shouldn't TRY with all our hearts to understand it. Elder Scott says:

My reverence and gratitude for the Atonement of the Holy One of Israel, the Prince of Peace and our Redeemer, continually expand as I strive to understand more about it. It is vital that we each learn what we can about it. The Atonement is that essential ingredient of our Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness without which that plan could not have been activated. Your understanding of the Atonement and the insight it provides for your life will greatly enhance your productive use of all of the knowledge, experience, and skills you acquire in mortal life. There is an imperative need for each of us to strengthen our understanding of the significance of the Atonement of Jesus Christ so that it will become an unshakable foundation upon which to build our lives. As the world becomes more devoid of foundational standards and as honor, virtue, and purity are increasingly cast aside in the pursuit of appetite, our understanding of and faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ will provide strength and capacity needed for a successful life. It will also bring confidence in times of trial and peace in moments of turmoil.

I guess my talk today wasn't so much on Gethsemane as much as it was reiterating that it is something that can't be covered in 12 minutes. Our understanding of this sacrifice is every growing as we study through personal scripture study and prayer and pondering. This is the best way to from Elder Scott's talk, “appreciate the incomparable, eternal, infinite consequences of Jesus Christ's perfect fulfillment of His divinely appointed calling as our Savior and redeemer.”

My understanding has grown on this topic, and I am grateful for being asked to speak today. I know that Christ lives. I know that he suffered for each and every one of us. I know that I can repent of my mistakes and be forgiven because of his sacrifice. I am so grateful for the fullness of gospel in the latter days, that we might know more about the atonement and the plan and our purpose on this earth. I love my heavenly father and my brother Jesus Christ. I know that they love all of us so deeply. I hope that I can be a better disciple of Christ and further my understanding each and every day. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

On another note, I have a new teaching companion, and she is so cute! I am so glad to be teaching with her. She also happens to be one of the people I should be visit teaching, so that makes me easier for me to know her. I have some weird anxieties with calling people I don't know. It's crazy, so it was nice to be able to meet her and see what a wonderful person she is. I'm way excited! I love my calling now. The kids are so good most of the time and probably know more than me. But it's fun being their teacher and I hope I am a good one to them.

Mushbelly

2010-04-09T12:04:00.000-07:00

After my last post, I just wanted to clarify something else I have learned.

Something I have learned from Lindsay's DVD's is that you need to be flexing your core at all times. This was VERY difficult to do at first. It probably took me a good 4 weeks before I could even pretend to do it all the time. I am getting better and better at it, but still have a hard time doing it when I am sitting down.

I am posting some pictures of me not flexing and what it looks like when I do a sit up and when I am sitting down. It is not pretty, but it's me. So as awesome as my last post was with my pictures, this is what it is like most of the time. Because honestly, flexing that hard ALL the time would kill me.

So this post is for those of you who might say, "oh I could never look like that!" Because you can! It's not just losing the weight, but training your body to hold it self better, and getting some amazing Spanx (or the Target knock off brand, which I will be purchasing for my birthday! What mushbelly???:)

Laying down about to do a sit up - my view. Lovely isn't it?

So jiggly. I took all these pics myself, so sorry
you can't see the whole body.

Doing the sit up. It actually looks much more gross when I am
not concentrating on taking a picture and doing a good sit up.

This is me not flexing. I am not letting it out completely
(like in my first picture from May 09).
Since I have been working out,
it actually feels weird to let it out completely.
Another awesome side effect!

Me flexing a bit so you can get an idea of how much changes.

My favorite picture! Me sitting down!!
I am even trying to flex here,
but it's so hard with the extra skin. There is so much skin,
my body can't pull it in enough,
especially not enough to look good,
so I don't bother for the most part.

I wanted to post these pictures so you readers don't get discouraged. When I see pictures of people losing weight, sometimes it inspires me and other times it makes me depressed, like why can't I do it. It's just a self control thing. You can do it. You just have to decide to do it yourself.

Now as you are taking your journey, it might not be pretty, as you can see above, but I have so many other things going good, that I just keep trucking. Pretty soon, I'll learn how to flex all the time and won't need my Spanx, okay, let's make that a maybe. :) Make sure you do the same! Because we can ALL do it!

New Pictures!

2010-04-07T18:50:00.001-07:00

I am really excited with how my body is turning out. I still have tons of skin, but what can you do? I am liking the top of my abs, but really need my arms and legs to follow suit. I am still in a size 8, and really wanted to be a size 6 before getting pregnant again. I don't know if that's going to happen.

I am still at 135. It's crazy to have lost 5 pounds in the first 4 weeks, and then still not lose more. But it's okay. Just from the pictures, I am looking like I lost it. I just wish I would now! Off my butt and thighs please!

I am working out a bit different now. I do my DVD's every other day that includes toning and then take a day off so my muscles can rest. I am not really sure what to do for cardio on the off days. Moms Into Fitness has some stroller exercises that I think I might buy. So in the morning of my off days, we'll get up, eat breakfast, and then go for a walk doing these exercises. I hope it works!

I am actually excited to not do videos everyday. I think I will be able to do some more fun stuff on my off days while Ryan is sleeping. Things seem to be working out pretty well with not being on the internet. It is SO hard not commenting on people's stuff, but I have to do what I have to do. Anyway, on to what this blog is all about! PICTURES!

May 2009 (about 3 months after baby)
My shirt is on because I think I was flexing a bit more than
the one with my shirt off. It makes it more realistic.

Feb 2010 (3 weeks into working out)

March 8, 2010 (6 weeks working out)
This pic was also taken at night when I am my heaviest.
So it's not entirely accurate I think.

April 7, 2010 (10 weeks working out)
About two weeks of every other day working out.

Here is another picture of my side view. My arms are up
and it kind of makes me abs do some cool stuff!

Feb 2010

March 2010

April 2010

March 2010

April 2010

Jared wasn't around when I wanted pictures, so I took some myself. The full body ones looked horrible! I looked like I had small head syndrome. So I did some in the mirror. This one was fun.

I found that muscle last month and was SO excited! It's so cool to see my body transforming. I just wish that I could get my skin to change as fast! Oh and take away the stretch marks too, please!

Spiritual Sunday

2010-04-04T20:23:00.001-07:00

This weekend was a great weekend for me. General Conference alone, makes for an amazing weekend, but I had some great insights that I'd like to share.

One of my biggest trials is "not having enough time." I always ask other mommas how they do it. I have always known what my problem was, but made excuses or said how much I needed it. Here it goes: I am addicted to the internet. Whenever I have a spare moment, I HAVE to check my email or Facebook or blogs. When I run out of stuff with those, I am trying to think of something else to do. Watch shows, search for stuff, shop, go on Babycenter.com, etc. These are all such time wasters.

I made excuses saying that if I check it through out the day, then I don't spend much time on it at each sitting. I have said how much I NEED Facebook to help me interact with the outside world being a stay-at-home-mom. I still feel these excuses swimming around in my head. I guess that's when I realized that I am addicted. I have the hardest time saying no and having a butt load of excuses at my back, kind of spells out that I am.

There was a talk today on addiction. Not necessarily addiction alone, but on something else. What I gleamed from this talk was that learning self control is the only way to be free. When I think about it, I do feel trapped by my addiction. There are so many character and spirit building activities that I want to do, but never have the time for.

Another talk pointed out how we all have trials. Silly me, I thought, I don't really have that bad of trials. Then I realized that the person I am is so far away from the person I want to be. Big trials are easy to get over and they are easy to get closer to Heavenly Father, because you turn directly to Him. I can see how big trials are given by Him, because they push us harder towards who we need to become. Of course, it doesn't have to be that way, but it's true. The easier our lives go, the more we forget about how dependent we are on Heavenly Father. We become so selfish and independent, some times forgetting our purpose and falling from the path.

In college, I went through some pretty hard times. That was when I was closest to my Heavenly Father. I knew He knew me and loved me. I studied the scriptures so hard. I was so thirsty for knowledge of the plan and how I could better myself. That is the person I want to be again. But I will never get there if I don't acknowledge my addiction and try to get through it. Oy, what an addiction to have!

We use the internet everyday. I will never be able to get away from it fully. Cutting off our internet just isn't plausible, especially since I use it for work every night. One thing I've thought of is giving myself a time limit to spend a day. Once I hit it, I can't go back on the computer. Or I could just use the computer at night after Ryan goes to bed and after I am done with work. I think I might try both for a week and see what works best for me. Man, even thinking about it is giving my stomach knots. But I know it will be good. I tried it a little yesterday and I cleaned the whole house. It felt so good to get some stuff done. Thank goodness for Easter and conference weekend because Facebook and my blog list were so dead! :)

So here I am, telling the full truth, completely embarrassed by it, but acknowledging the necessity of it. I want to be better. I want to be closer to a person that my Father in Heaven would be proud of. I know that I am not alone in this and that I can turn to Him. Luckily, that is the best part. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have and that I don't have to go through this alone. I am so thankful for Christ and everything He has done for me.

In conference, the choir sang, "He is Risen!" What a beautiful song! Here are the words:

He is risen! He is risen!
Tell it out with joyful voice
He has burst his three days prison
Let the whole wide earth rejoice
Death is conquered, man is free
Christ has won the victory

Come with high and holy hymning
Chant our Lord's triumphant lay
Not one darksome cloud is dimming
Yonder glorious morning ray
Breaking o'er the purple east
Symbol of our Easter feast

He is risen! He is risen!
He hath opened heaven's gate
We are free from sin's dark prison
Risen to a holier state
And a brighter Easter beam
On our longing eyes shall stream

I know Christ came to this Earth. He lived and died so that I might be able to live to the fullest measure of my creation. I can feel His love for me in so many places. He knows me and has given me so many tools to use to become more like Him. I am so grateful for the church I am in and the knowledge I have. I know that there isn't an end at death. I know that families are forever. How grateful I am for that! I am so grateful for temples on this earth so I can be sealed with my husband and our posterity with us. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's church on Earth. The prophet and apostles are His mouth piece, giving revelation in our day. I want to tell everyone out in the world that Christ has risen! He lives and loves us. My heart is full of joy. I know if we seek Him daily, we will be happy, experiencing true joy. This is my testimony.

I Did It!

2010-03-31T20:34:00.000-07:00

So I went from feeling blah and taking that nap, to feeling somewhat better and forcing myself to exercise, feeling a TON better, and then making dinner and cleaning the whole living room/kitchen in an hour so my hubby thought I had been busy all day! Haha! I love it!

In other good news, Lindsay Brin is having a giveaway on her blog for her DVDs. All you had to do was go to Amazon.com and write in a review and then email them about it. I really hope I win! I already have a ton of DVDs, but I would love the prenatal ones since we are looking to TTC (try and conceive) soon. If I don't end up winning, I will buy them anyway. I love her DVDS!

I am going to post new pics this week or weekend. I am pretty excited! I don't know how different I look, but I can feel my muscles forming under my skin. It's pretty cool! I am going to try and get a shot of it for you guys.

Anyway, working out is awesome! I love the energy it gives me. It makes life SO much better. I'm so glad I made the decision to do it today so I could be reminded of it. I hope everyone else is doing well too!

Blah

2010-03-31T08:32:00.001-07:00

I've been feeling blahish since Sunday. I just want to sleep all day. Do you ever have days like that?

I am debating on whether to sleep or exercise during Ryan's first nap. I have tentatively decided to exercise. Aunt Flo came to visit on Sunday so I have been using her as an excuse to sleep and be lazy the past few days. Now that I'm even writing about it, I may be tentatively deciding to take a nap. It's awful. I do miss working out. I wish I could work out when Ryan is awake. Blah, blah, blah.

I slept for about 7 hours last night. That is actually pretty good! I shouldn't be so tired. For those of you who are amazing with their time, how do you get out of ruts like this, or not even allow yourself to get in them? I just need some positive thinking. :)

Fun Activities for Toddler

2010-03-29T21:53:00.001-07:00

Most days I feel like a horrible mother. I see all these posts or Facebook statuses about all the fun things my friends are doing with their kids, and I feel horrible. But sadly, I can't think of anything to do. Ryan just spends most of his time exploring and playing then eating. So today I said to myself, enough is enough!

I got online and looked up activities for a one-year-old and found quite a few. My goal is to do one a day, at least, and hopefully we can both enjoy them. I want to be a good mom, and I want Ryan to be doing things that help him develop well. He is such a cutie. I love him so much!

Here are the activities I found:

Make play dough and then cut them out with cookie cutters. (I have a recipe if anyone wants!)
Play with measuring cups. Kids apparently love to pour.
I need to buy some balls. We don't have any!
Get some stuff to stack. Right now, he does it on his own in our pantry. As nice as that is, I'd rather things stay in the pantry! :)
Take an empty milk jug and put small stuff in it. Kids will have fun trying to get it out or shaking it.
Give him clothes to take out of the laundry basket and put in another one.
Let him go at the junk mail.
Make small bean bags for him to throw or stack or whatever. (I have a TON of fabric, so this will be fun.)
Let him eat with a spoon or fork at every meal. (I need a splash mat! :)
Go to story time at the library.

Of course these are all in addition to just hanging out outside and exploring at home. I know that it is okay to let kids play by themselves most of the time. It's a learning thing. It's also good for mommy too.

How do you other mommies balance YOUR time with making sure you're spending time with your kids? How much do you play with your kids each day? I need a reality check, so answers would be nice. :) Thanks!!

Spiritual Sunday

2010-03-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

Today has been such a weird day. I am feeling very bipolar in my feelings, which makes it hard to follow through on stuff.

I got a call last night from the choir director inviting me to choir practice. It is at 11 am every Sunday. That is usually when I am preparing my lesson so normally I can't make it. My friend Julie Anne said that I just need to prepare my lesson earlier! Of course! So that was the plan, but I ran out of time yesterday.

I was still going to try and make it today. Sundays are Jared's day to sleep in. I normally prepare my lesson when Ryan goes down for a nap around 9:30-10 am. Since choir is at 11, I would have to prepare it earlier and shower earlier.

Well I got up this morning and it just wasn't happening. I was so cranky and tired. There was no way I was going to finish my lesson and shower and take care of Ryan all before 11 am. So I gave up and took a nap when Ryan napped instead. I got my lesson ready and showered all before he woke up. Jared went home teaching at noon so that made it even more crazy. But I stayed calm through it all. Ryan was still eating lunch at 12:55 and I hadn't finished preparing my lesson. Instead of going all crazy trying to get to church on time, I just relaxed. We got there about 1:15ish and still made sacrament! I was so happy. Everything worked out!

I just felt bad I didn't make it to choir. I will try harder next Sunday.

I got up and beared my testimony today. It has been such a long time since I've done that. I haven't had the "get up and do it" knot in my stomach for a long time. I thought, oh fast sunday, I am so glad I don't get those knots any more. Then I thought, well you haven't really done any "missionary work" (what I talked with my primary class about last week), and this would be a great opportunity. Well shoot. Here come the knots!!! So I got up as fast as I could. It was shaky, but the important parts were there. I even teared up. It's been awhile for that. I heard once that it should be called "burying" your testimony. They more you bear it, the bigger it grows. So yes, my heart and soul feels full today.

But I also feel weird today. I told my primary kids I was having a blah day. Don't you ever have one of those? I asked. Some said yes, and one girl said emphatically, NO! She is such a happy girl; I totally believe her. I hope I end today on a good note. I am happier than I was this morning. We'll see. :)

I am trying to do new exercises at night to strengthen my core, and as I do those, I am going to try and remember to say my prayers as well. A 25-year-old mother should never forget to say her prayers. I have much to be grateful for and much that I need. I forget that I have my Heavenly Father here with me at all times to talk to. I need Him. Praying at night will help me strengthen my role as a mother and wife and as a homemaker (what a tough job that is!) This is my spiritual goal this week.

I will try to get back on this week to talk physical stuff. I'm pretty excited about how things are going so please look back for more updates!

Spiritual Sunday

2010-03-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry this is so late. It's been such a crazy couple of weeks. That said, this is going to be short.

I just wanted to say how much I love church. I am loving my calling more and more, and Jared was so nice to take Ryan out and I just listened and felt the spirit so warmly. There are so many things I want to be better at, and I am just reminded about it at church each week.

My teaching companion was released this week and called to the Primary presidency. So that means that I no longer can attend Relief Society until I get a new companion. You would think I would be disappointed, but I totally am not. I actually like being able to teach alone. My teaching companion was AMAZING and I usually felt like I was teaching along with meeting her expectations. I also felt like my class liked her better, even if that is true or not. This past Sunday though, my class was amazing. I dealt with them when I needed to, and we had a lot of fun. I taught them about how to be a missionary even when you're a kid.

I told them the story about Ammon and King Lamoni, and then left out the part about chopping off all the arms, but told them they should ask their parents about it. One boy was SO interested! He wanted to know what it was I wasn't saying. I told him it was violent; of course, he loved it more. I wonder if he did go home and ask him mom about it. He doesn't come as much because he doesn't like church, so I hope the class was fun for him.

I told the kids that I need to work on being a better missionary as well. I am teaching them basic principles like prayer and about Jesus Christ's life. Lately, I have been horrible with my prayers. I would love to get into the habit of saying them morning and night again. So what I realized is that I need to learn from these as well. So each Sunday, I am going to try and do what I ask my kids to do. It should be fun. No, so far I haven't done anything missionary like. I have a few more days this week though! :)

I would like to learn more about the bible, so I have a goal to start reading the New Testament soon and hopefully finish it in a year or so. Is that possible? I hope so. :)

Things are going good. I am still stressed in many areas of my life, but I'm hoping to organize it better so things will be less stressful. We'll see how it goes!

Keep It Simple

2010-03-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

Well we finally did it. We took a look at our finances (when I say we, I mean me and Jared. Amazing isn't it!?), and made a budget.

Good news: We made a budget and we have enough to cover our needs.
Bad news: We only make enough to cover our needs. AND we don't have a ton of flexible spending. If only our HOA didn't include cable so we could get rid of it!

The only thing that we could get rid of is our phones, and we'll see with that one. I need texting to talk to my mom (a lot of it) and then I want to be able to make calls if I need to. We used 240 minutes out of 750 last month. Yeah, I'm thinking we don't need that many. But our phone is through Tmobile and you need to have a plan that is at least $50 to have it. Have you seen those Digis billboards? Internet and phone for $20?! We are considering that. Like I said, we'll see.

We can also eat out less. We have already been doing better this month so we'll see how it goes. I hardly eat out, but Jared hates sandwiches (why can't he just love them!?) so lunch just isn't cheap for him. But eating out is way more expensive so we have budgeted that as well as grocery store spending. We also put a cap on home improvements and decorating and all other stuff. I'm excited to see how we do at the end of April.

I would really like to be able to save at least $100 a month until we're decorated and then more afterwards. It sounds pathetic huh? But it's something. And I would like to start a life insurance policy for Jared, as well as an IRA. The main problem is all the decorating we are wanting to do. It's expensive! and I'm even being cheap about it! So I have come up with my motto for decorating: Keep It Simple!

With this in mind, I don't need to compete with everyone in my complex. I just need to decorate enough that it looks nice. It doesn't have to be WOW nice, because face it Shirley, we can't afford that.

We painted our entertainment center a dark brown and bought a wall clock. Now I just need shelves, decorations for the shelves, and pictures of our family and a picture for our dining room. I also would like to get a bench for our hallway and then some hooks to hang coats on for when people come over. Before that though, I need to get some rugs for our super long hallway. I am going to try and pay for all of this with my income that I am bringing in. It isn't much at all, but it is better to use that and remind me to keep it simple and take it one month at a time.

I have also decided to paint my bedroom. My sister-in-law said she would help me, as long as it was before a certain time, so I am going to take her up on that deal. The problem is that I have to buy a bed set so I can match the colors up. Right now our bed has a red and white 80's quilt on it. So comfy, but I am not painting my room BRIGHT RED. The bed set will be quite expensive probably, so I will have to pay for that first. I wish that I had a ton more money to spend on decorating, but I don't. It's okay. I have a nice house and home and I am grateful for that.

Oh and another thing I want to add is that we didn't pay our tithing last month so I could buy some stuff. After going over our budget I am going to be sure that we pay this month. If anything, it will make me feel better and more grateful for the situation we are in. I really can't complain. I have a wonderful husband, the best baby in the world, a warm home, and plenty of food to keep me fat. ;) I think paying our tithing will remind me of this. And maybe someone will write out a check for one million dollars to me for being so cute. Haha. jk!

So if you were wondering, yeah, the search of awesome non-mom jeans is at a halt. Maybe I can get some for my birthday. That's only two months away! I think I can wait until then. :)

GiveAway!

2010-03-11T20:57:00.001-08:00

I'm having a give away! Every one is doing them these days.

The winner of the give away gets to come and decorate my house!

In all seriousness, I know no one wants to win this, I really need some one who knows what they are doing. I just went to a woman's house in my ward and her house was decorated so cute! I don't know what I am doing. There is so much to buy. I wish a designer was in the family. Sigh.

Does any one with a cute house want to come and share their knowledge? Thanks. :)

New DVDs

2010-03-09T16:23:00.000-08:00

So I took some more pictures since it's been over 3 weeks, and there isn't much difference. It's not surprising because of my neck hurting and then having the typical girly issues. The good news? I'm still 135! Which is awesome because when I wasn't working out, I was eating like a pig.

We have no bad food in the house right now. Kind of sucks, but it's good. I really could use a huge chocolate shake and a piece of cake and a donut. How I love donuts...! BUT I'm being good. And it's really really hard. But I want to lose another 5 pounds and so there goes my fun eating. Sure I can eat an orange, but it just isn't as good. Can you tell I'm really struggling with this!? haha.

I took some pictures of me not flexing so you can see what I really look like. I didn't feel like the last pictures gave the truth. I wish I had taken some of me flexing before. That would have been awesome.

May 2009

6 weeks working out, March 2010

May 2009

6 weeks working out, March 2010

I also took some of me flexing, but I look worse than before. I guess either I gained inches or I didn't roll my pants down far enough. Oh well.

3 Weeks after working out, Feb 2010

6 weeks working out, March 2010

3 Weeks after working out, Feb 2010

6 weeks working out, March 2010

6 weeks working out, March 2010 (I added this one because of the lovely view of the love handles)

I tried P90X last night and thought it was awful. It was all high fitness stuff, which I didn't particularly like. And a lot of it was impossible. If it's impossible now, how do you find the motivation to keep going? Also it gave me a HUGE headache. We did the Core Synergistics, which had us on the floor a lot. I HATE being on the floor that much. Plus it was a full hour and that's too long for me. I wanted to do it with Jared so I waited until Ryan was put to bed and worked afterwards. I didn't get to bed until after 1 am. Working out this way just isn't going to work for me. Sorry Jared! He will do okay on his own though.

Instead of doing P90X, I went to Mom's Into Fitness. It's a website run by Lindsay Brin, the author or Shed 5 Fast, and has a ton of other stuff on there. I decided to do the Boot Camp DVD's (for postnatal) and the Core Firing Sequence Method (it says, tummy tuck without the surgery! We'll see... :). I am very excited to get these and try some other stuff she has. I did the Dance one she has and I didn't like it as much. The moves were kind of hard to follow. I prefer actually working out than dancing, who knew? She is also running a deal that if you buy 3 DVD's, you get 15% off, 4 DVD's you get 20% off, and if you order over $49, you get free shipping. The Shed 5 Fast DVD is also on sale for 20% off. I think that deal goes until March 15th. I hope these all get here quick!

Just a quick shout out about my other endeavors... they are slowly coming along. This week is dedicated just to my office, so I am not allowed to do anything else. I hope to post a picture of a beautiful, organized office on Monday. Wish me luck! Please... :)

Resolutions

2010-03-03T22:14:00.000-08:00

I am in a super big funk right now, if you couldn't tell from my last post. I am just feeling pressured and stressed and that makes me want to give up on stuff.

When I am stressed, I stop doing stuff and then get bored and then I eat and laze about. Today I didn't exercise. I just didn't want to. And I ate brownies and chocolate shakes. What is a girl to do?!

Well I asked Jared to start taking care of the finances. We will need to sit down and go over them, which we've been needing to do anyway, and he will do a good job. I'm better at reminding him than I am myself. I guess I'm a natural nag.

Also - since I didn't work out, I didn't shower, and I think that affected the turn out of my day as well. I don't feel as accomplished. I did a lot this morning and then the rest of the day sucked. It actually wasn't bad in the getting stuff done category. I took pictures of Mister and then made his birthday invitations, that rocked, and I did the dishes. Yes the place is still a pig sty, the white laundry that is folded/strewn around by stinkerface is still on the floor in front of the stairs, but that's okay. Tomorrow is a new day. I think that is why I am drinking a chocolate shake now. Better get it in today! :)

Here is what I NEED to do this month:

1. Sew curtains for living room
2. Reupholster ottoman
3. Plan party (food, decorations)
4. Paint entertainment center
5. Decorate living room area (slightly)
6. UNPACK OFFICE (shouldn't this be at the top of the list?)
7. Move finances crap over to Jared's shoulders

Part of the stress is that my job has started taking longer, leaving me less time at night to do stuff. I need to find something to do about it.

I was thinking about how stressed I am and realized that there is something I am forgetting. In my lesson to my primary kids a few weeks ago, I told them about how Heavenly Father is here to help them, they just need to ask. We set up a maze and blindfolded them and I told them that when they needed help to just ask. Both of the kids preferred to do it on their own, even with constant reminding. It took them a lot longer than it would have if they had just asked. I guess we are more like that in this life than I thought. So I need to come to my Heavenly Father and ask him for help. I am not sure what to ask for, but at least to feel at peace with what is going on in my life and to not be so stressed out to the point of being lazy and binging.

Me and Jared are going to be starting P90X and are going to try and do it at night. I don't know how we are going to work it, but we are going to try. The next two days will be my last with Lindsay Brin. I have loved her videos. She has been so awesome! She just had a baby about two weeks ago and is blogging about her after baby body. It is completely honest and she shows you what to do to get back into your pre preggo body. I love it. I will look back to her blog when #2 comes. Her website is www.lindsaybrin.com.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Any supportive comments would be awesome!

Super Frustrated

2010-03-03T11:28:00.001-08:00

I am feeling so frustrated right now!

I feel like I don't have time for anything, therefore everything gets done horribly, or not at all!

Now that Ryan's birthday is coming up, there is so much to do for that. I NEED to get my office unpacked and organized, but it keeps getting pushed out of the way by things that actually have deadlines.

I had the thought today that maybe I should quit working out for a bit. I tried to do it while Ryan was awake, but he kept playing with the TV. I just don't have time for everything I need and want to do.

I just paid our credit card, seeing that we had missed the payment. I forgot about that ONE end of the month payment and it cost us $39. If my desk and the mail was more organized, it wouldn't have happened. It's crazy in here. I really have no idea where a lot of things are and that is not good.

Sometimes I really wish I wasn't breastfeeding so my mom could come and take Ryan for the day. I really think I could get it all done in one day. It would be exhausting, but it would happen.

I haven't exercised yet today because I had to make Ryan's 1st birthday card. His party is on the 20th and I have to get the invitations out ASAP. Before I made that, I had to make him a shirt to take pictures for the card. I'm finally done with it, but there is still plenty more to do like dishes and showering and, oh... my office!

Do you think if I just pray for help, it will magically pop up? It's worth a try...

Spiritual Sunday

2010-02-28T20:19:00.000-08:00

I said I would post every Sunday about something I experienced or felt during the week or at church. Well I forgot last Sunday and almost forgot today.

It probably would've been okay to forget today, because as of right now I can't think of anything. I didn't teach today so I was able to go to RS, but of course that means I had stinker face with me. He actually didn't do too bad. He has the worst tantrums though when he can't have something he wants, like sweet lady's scriptures or used tissue. But even though he is stinky (today this word had two meanings), I still enjoy the spirit of RS.

Today's lesson was on knowing that the Lord is here with us and that we are never alone. I haven't been feeling that way lately so my mind was blank on similarities in the lesson. One thing we talked about was Love and how to love everyone. I haven't had too many problems with this lately, but it was a nice reminder.

We had a crazy busy weekend and I am exhausted. One of the main things I realized today is that to really get something out of church, that is special for me no matter where I am at in life, is to get sleep before! We got home last night at around 2 am (Starcraft night for the men, loooong night for the women.:) Jared got up with the baby, but I got up an hour after him. I am so tired. Ryan took a nap during Sacrement meeting and I think that Jared and I both dozed off as well.

If my body isn't alert, I may miss something that the Lord wants me to hear. I guess that is how I felt today. Our goal is to go to bed earlier this week, which will be easier now that the Olympics are over! I love the Olympics, but I am glad they are done so we can get some sleep now.

Anyway, I hope next Sunday's post will be better. I will post tomorrow about all the stuff I need to get done this month before Ryan's 1st birthday party! So fun! :)

Week 6

2010-02-23T11:07:00.000-08:00

I am officially on week 6 of my working out! yay me!

So far on week 6, I have really been bad, but it's not my fault. I woke up with a stiff neck monday morning and can hardly take care of my son, much less exercise. I am still hurting today. :( But the good news is my weight is the same.

The things that have been going bad are my eating habits. I have been eating too many sweets! Normally I don't have them in the house, but Jared has been eating out more since we don't have anything "good." So I buy stuff for him, then eat it too.

I feel like having a husband is like having a second kid. At my last grocery trip, I bought spaghettios, mac 'n cheese, frozen burritos, popcorn, chips and salsa, and some other stuff that I can't think of right now. He even doesn't like sandwiches because we have wheat bread and "white bread tastes better with sandwiches." Guess what, if I bought the icky white bread, it would go bad because he would still not make sandwiches to take to work. He would also like Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast. I refuse to get that, too!

The things that are my fault are the Oreo's I bought and the Valentine's candy I bought for 50% off! Mmmm! I will not buy sweets any more. Since I can't diet, I really need to get my sweet addiction under control, so I can make the most out of the time I am putting into exercising. So that is my new goal! As soon as the sweets are gone. :)

I think that after this I am going to one or two weeks of the dancing DVD I have and then it is P90X. Yep, I'm going to do it. I am so scared, but it will be good. I would love to be a size 6 before I get preggo again! I think this will be awesome for that.

Mom Jeans

2010-02-19T21:17:00.000-08:00

I don't think that I wear mom jeans. I just wear jeans that don't flatter my body. Why would I do this? Well I don't spend money on clothes AND I have a weird body. It's funny how most of us have weird bodies. I'm not saying that any of YOU do, but well, let's be honest, who LOVES shopping for jeans? If you do, can you come with me, pretty please??

Would you like to see some examples of my awfulness?!

Exhibit 1: Saggy butt, too long legs, low waisted miserableness. These are the jeans I pretty much wear ALL the time. WHY? I really don't know... they are even too big for me.

Exhibit 2: I bought these jeans back in Septemberish when I was sick of wearing only one pair of jeans (does anyone else do this?) I don't know what I was thinking. They are too short (trying to make up for the too long ones up top), and I think hug my knees too much creating a little person look. They also are low waisted, meaning the pockets are super low and if not for my awesome temple garments, my crack would be hanging out (TMI?)

HELP!

Oh I seriously need it. I am willing to spend $50-$80(if they are PERFECT!) on some everyday jeans that I can dress up. I've emailed Jae from How To Not Dress Like A Mom, so hopefully I have some coming my way.

What I need to know is:

1. Where do I go?
2. What shape should I go for?
3. How long should the pants be to look good with flats and a little heel? (How much touching the floor?)

I really want to start looking good. I have a lot of things to overcome with shopping. I think things look cute, but I COULD NEVER WEAR IT! How lame is that? I am limiting myself, and I am not sure if I can get out of it, but I think if I have some jeans that make ME look hot, I might have some hope.

Thanks!

My List

2010-02-18T09:43:00.000-08:00

One of the things on my organization post was to make a list. This list would be for things that I want to do or accomplish and it can be a month from now or years from now. The point is to put it on the list so you don't forget about it. I remembered something yesterday that I wanted to make, but completely forgot!

I wanted to make a tied hanging dish towel for the oven because Babykins ALWAYS pulls it down. The towel ends up on the counter so messyish. When I remembered, I thought, how in the world did I forget about that project? It turns out I have a million projects in my head and it really isn't that implausible to forget a few of them.

So here is my list. I will add to it or subtract it as I go so this post will be ever changing. Yay for remembering what I want to do!

(It will be a small list for now since time is limited.)

Make hanging dish towel thingy
Put up a shelf in the office with vacation memorabilia
Buy non-mom jeans
Finish Blog Books
Make a jean quilt
Make a budget (Desperately)

Epiphany!

2010-02-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

I haven't had many of these on my own. Many of "my" great ideas come from other mommies, or bloggers, or friends. I just had one now that I have to share!

You know how my office is my biggest trial in unpacking? That I just can't get organized because there is so much to do?!

Well, here is the epiphany!

Why in the heck am I worrying about organizing the past before I can organize the present and future?!

So from this day forward, I am going to focus on organizing stuff for now. Even if that means I need to put everything that isn't a month old or less in a box and throwing it in the closet. I am so excited to get started!

Just Do It

2010-02-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

I don't want to work out today. I really, really don't. I was so happy yesterday and today I just feel like I want to quit because it takes so much and I'm seeing so little. But I know that isn't true and I do plan on working out. But I just want you to know, I really don't want to. Okay, now I am going to get my sweat on.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

2010-02-16T14:13:00.000-08:00

There is so much that I've been wanting to blog about. Seriously, like 15 times a day in the past week I have said to myself, I need to blog about this! But when I finally get a moment to sit down and write, my mind is completely empty. The brain of a mom, right?

I want to start out with some spiritual stuff. I think from now on I am going to do a Spiritual Sunday. The last time I wrote, I was very depressed about my calling in the primary. As I look back, I really have no idea where those feelings were coming from. The feelings were so real, but looking back on the memory of where they came from, it doesn't seem THAT bad. I've been to my class twice since I wrote, and it went well. I taught last week and the problem girl wasn't there, but I know it would have been fine if she were there. The kids were great as always and I really felt the spirit with me. I prayed during my lesson and after, and prayer is so powerful. I know I had some assistance that day. Last week I was just observing and that was good too. I went to Relief Society and got to be with Ryan. Let me tell you! I was wishing I was in the primary!! What a stinker! lol. He is getting more and more independent and I had to be in the halls with him about half the time. Jared does better with him at church, and I might just have Jared take him even if I go to RS since Daddy does a better job. :)

Jared was called to be the Assistant Secretary in the Elders Quorem. He heard this past Sunday that the Secretary might be closing on a house soon, so he is worried that he will be the Secretary. I know that he will do a good job though. We are both doing pretty well in our callings and trying to incorporate the gospel in our lives more. I know that we will be blessed and as we are, hopefully, we can share these blessings with others.

MIND

I have SO many things I want to do. Seriously, it's ridiculous! Of course all of my decorating has to be a craft project, so I can't just go and buy stuff. I am stalled on Ryan's room since I ran out of money this month. I am so excited to finish it though. I have everything I want to do in my head.

I work part-time for my sister-in-law at The Ribbon Retreat, on the wholesale site, and in the past had been putting the check directly into our checking account. Well, we don't have a US Bank around here so Jared had to take a bit of time off work to go and deposit it for me in Provo. I hated that! So I opened a savings account at American First Credit Union in the Macey's here. I LOVE banking while grocery shopping; whoever came up with that idea is a genius!

Since I have started doing this, I decided to keep the money set aside for certain things. Every three or four years all the girls in Jared's family go on a cruise. It is such a blast! Right now I am saving up for that with my own money. It's kind of nice to have a purpose instead of having it go straight to bills. After I save enough for that, I am going to buy a desk for our downstairs area. After that, maybe a camera! Who knows! But it is so exciting to watch the money build up towards a goal, not just saving.

I have also made some headway in my office! Yay! I worked on it for 20 minutes yesterday, just making it more liveable, and it worked! I have decided to do all of the easy stuff first instead of the hard stuff. Before I just wanted to get the hard stuff out of the way, you know shredding all our old documents in our file cabinet and organizing the cabinet. Right now all of our documents go into a bag, yes, a bag. Not even a nice bag. A plastic grocery bag. We have 2 1/2 of them right now. The first two are tied, but have ripped so you have to be careful carrying them. See how desperate I am in need of some organizing? But this shouldn't come first, otherwise nothing might get done! I realized this yesterday so instead my next task is organizing my scrapbook/craft table. This should be much easier and hopefully I can get it done in a day or two. (Progress, not perfection, right?:)

BODY

I am still going strong on the working out! I am so proud of myself. It can be really difficult to keep doing it, especially with a baby, but I know how important it is and I am keeping at it. I'm even up a pound since my last post. :( But that's okay. My new work out isn't too bad aerobically, but the toning parts kick my trash. I started doing the push ups regular style and my abs, sides, and arms hurt so bad! It's a good bad though, so I'm excited. I have two more weeks of these work outs and hopefully a few more pounds lost and an even smaller waist.

I wish that I could diet right now to get the maximum results, but nursing won't allow me to do that. So I am just accepting that I am going to put forth the effort and what comes comes. I'll be pregnant again before I stop nursing, so I can't diet then. I have to keep focusing on eating healthy and exercising and I know it will all work out.

Thanks for letting me ramble! Hopefully the next post will have something more specific. I hope you're all doing well in all of your endeavors. Women have such hard jobs! But I'll admit, it's fun too. :) We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Pop Art

2010-02-10T22:04:00.000-08:00

Okay! I think I might have done it!

Here is what I wanted to do again:

Here is my picture I started from...

and then add a little pop art!

I think it looks really good. I changed the picture I was using and made the green a bit darker and then played around with it more. I'm so glad it turned out! Now I want to do this to at least one more to put up on his wall!

(By the way, his room is turning out SO cute! I can't wait until it's all done so I can post pictures!)

Day 24

2010-02-10T14:55:00.000-08:00

Just because I haven't blogged about it, doesn't mean I am not doing it! I am still working out! Although I did not work out last Thursday until yesterday. I had to get Ryan's room painted so he could go back to sleeping in there! But let me tell you, painting IS a work out! My arms and back hurt so bad, so I guess I was still exercising.

I have started workout 2 on my DVD, Shed 5 Fast by Lindsay Brinn. It is easier and harder in some ways. The aerobic exercises seem easier and the toning is harder. My inner thighs are killing me, which is so awesome! I can't wait to slim these guys down.

I started working out at weighing between 138-141 pounds. I am now about 135 pounds. I am including a picture taken this morning as well as the one on my very first post on this blog. I was 143.5 pounds then and wearing my capris a bit too high! You can see my lovely stretch marks and tons of skin, but I do feel like I am skinnier. I haven't felt it yet in my clothes, but I'm hoping to in these next few weeks.

Before (wearing pants too high :)

After

Before (I wasn't flexing my abs; I would've looked a bit skinnier)

After (We're getting there!)

I'm feeling great! Those of you who are working out as well, how is it going? Please comment here or on Facebook. I love workout buddies. :)

Organization

2010-02-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

I was going to do a post to recap where I am at with my goals at the beginning of the month, but can you believe it is almost the 10th already!? Seriously, time flies nowadays! Hopefully I will still get around to this before the end of the month, sooner the better.

My very first goal for my resolutions was:

"1. Be more organized.

This is with my time, as well with everything important in my life. I really haven't totally unpacked yet from the move and I just feel like everything is scattered. By the end of the month, I want to have my office completely unpacked and organized.

I want to have a weekly schedule where I sit down on a Saturday or Sunday and write down my goals for the week. I've always worked best by thinking about stuff weekly. If it was something two weeks in advance, I would completely forget about it and put it out of my mind. By writing it down, I will have more of a chance of getting it done."

Well, my ward had a class on organization tonight, and I would've have been silly not to go since this was my number one resolution! I am so glad I went because I got a lot of helpful hints, especially for my office which is still plaguing me!, and some confirmation on what I am currently doing.

The number one thing was prioritizing. I feel that I have done this really well so far. I have my priorities and I am able to move them around if need be. For example, I am working out everyday, but if something comes up and I have to skip it, I skip it, but I am right back on it the next day. It just depends on how important stuff is and I don't beat myself up about it.

I took notes on some of the stuff I wanted to use or remember. Writing it here will definitely help me, and maybe it will help some of you as well.

1. Use Microsoft Outlook or a calendar.
I had forgotten about this. I had one at work and why not have one at home? I am horrible with dates that are over a week in advance. I plan everything weekly so I am more prone to forget or think a date incorrectly. I have a hard time using planners and paper calendars, so I am going to give an electronic calendar, that automatically reminds me of stuff, a try. (Although we don't have Microsoft Office on any of our computers, so I'll have to get creative with this one.)

2. To-do list for everything.
This is not just a daily one, but a weekly, monthly, even yearly or more! I liked this because I have lots of goals and plans that are far off in advance and just having them written down means I won't forget about them. I already write stuff down mentally for the week, I'm awesome at that, but doing a monthly one would be awesome since my mind is often in overload.

3. "Live each day on purpose."
I liked this quote. Everyday I am just happy if I get one important thing done. That can even be doing the dishes or laundry or going outside for a walk with the baby. I guess this quote has a lot to do with your attitude. We have control of what we want to be; we just need to do it.

4. "Progress, not perfection."
This one was awesome. If you have a big project, organizing a closet or basement or whatever, just make sure to keep going back to it and not letting it just sit. Sometimes I am guilty of saying, I can't do it perfect now, so I am not going to try. I love this quote for my office. I can definitely say I am making progress weekly. :)

5. Don't let the little jobs add up. AND Include cleaning up as a part of every single task.
I like these ones a lot. I need to listen to it about laundry. I always have a load in the dryer for over a week and it's such a pain to have to go into it to get something and it wastes a lot of time. If I had just folded it and put it away right when it was ready, I wouldn't have to spend the time going down the stairs or over to the laundry room to get what I need. So I really need to listen to this suggestion.

I have also learned that if I don't clean up Ryan's high chair right after he eats, I hate myself when I have to clean it before he eats. Dry stuck on food is NOT fun to clean when you have a hungry infant crying and pulling on you. Since I can do this cleaning after he eats, hopefully I can do the folding of the laundry after it's done.

6. 3 Pile Process: Love/Use, Ambivalent, Discard
This is what to use when you are cleaning a big project like a basement, closet, or garage. You don't need to put everything away or in a certain place, just put them in 3 piles and then get back at them later. I think this makes getting started a lot easier. There is less to think about, just focusing on those three things. I already tend to do this, but not so simplified. I will try this with the rest of my office organizing.

7. Mail
Oh mail, how I hate thee! I hate how messy it is and the filing you have to do or whatever. I think I have gotten better and I still hate it. Right now, we don't have a place to put it so it goes on the kitchen island, read, into a pile, taken up to the abyss which is the office and forgotten forever. Yes, it isn't pretty.

We will be buying a table for our entry way soon, and I am going to buy one of these nice thingys. It's a 3 bin thing that you would see on most people's workspace. It helps to separate the mail until you can get at it. The top is to shred, middle is for bills, and the bottom is for filing. I am going to see if I can find a nice decorative one and I think it is going to make the mess that is our office much easier to handle!

8. Magnetic shopping list
I can't wait to use this! While I was unpacking the office boxes I found one, but it is Christmasy and I am still going to use it. I'm am so excited to be more efficient in my grocery shopping!

9. Alphabetize spice rack
Most people already do this. I just learned about a week ago that the grocery store does this. Yes for years I searched and searched for the spice I needed. Now that I am a SAHM, I am so glad I figured it out since I am cooking more and need more spices. So of course it makes sense to do it in my own home. Searching for spices is NOT fun! Now I just need to get one of those circling spice racks!

10. Ice cube trays for jewelry
I don't have a lot of jewelry, but I thought this was cool. If you have a draw you put all your jewelry in and it's all a big mess and you don't have the money for a nice fancy looking jewelry organizer, just use ice cube trays. You could probably even decorate them to make them look fancier for all you crafty ladies out there. :)

That is it for all the stuff I wanted to remember. It was fun and made me so much more motivated to get organized! Hopefully the office by the end of this month. I know I said last month, but progress is what's important!

Here are some websites that were given out:

www.hgtv.com/organizing
www.getorganizedwizard.com
unclutterer.com
organizedhome.com
www.organizedwithstyle.com/blog
getorganizedtips.blogspot.com
www.stacksandstacks.com
containerstore.com/welcome
lifeorganizers.com/cm_articles/16_the_organized_closet
www.thehomeknowitall.com/the_home_knowitall/2007/09/organize-it-the.hmtl

I hope this gets some of you motivated and gives you some fresh new ideas! Good luck!

Photoshop Illiterate

2010-02-01T16:07:00.001-08:00

I found this way cute idea on Design Dazzle. I tried to follow it word for word, but my picture turns out looking alienish. I am so disappointed.

Hopefully I can figure it out, because I do think it looks so cool!

Some Good and Some Bad

2010-01-31T22:24:00.000-08:00

Let's start with the good.

We went to the temple last night and even though we had a ton of stuff get in the way, we still went. Once we had decided to go, so much stuff came up. We went to Provo to do errands which included getting the paint for the house. Well we got there got everything we needed and then I realized I didn't have the paint sample. After this I became tired and cranky and just didn't feel like going. BUT I knew I wanted to go and we needed to just do it. Because I was cranky, it didn't help with Jared's mood. We were dropping off Ryan at Jared's brother's house so his girls could watch him and then going to the Jordan River Temple. Well Jared wasn't too thrilled with the idea of having to drive all the way up to Salt Lake to go to the temple so we argued a bit about that. When Jared was coming to the car he slipped on our garage door steps and sprained his ankle. We still pressed on.

Once we got to their house and realized how late it was, about 6 pm, it seemed so much easier to just stay and hang out and eat dinner. I was very tempted! Then Jared hurt his finger on his coat, which added to the stress. I was on the brink of not going, and then I just felt this calm about going and everything would be okay. We didn't end up leaving until a bit before 7.

We got there a bit late for the 7:20 session and had to wait until the 7:40 session. It was so nice to go though. I love the temple so much! Because it had been such a crazy day I messed up some parts of the session, but it was okay. I learned a few things and my testimony was renewed. I felt the confirmation of my willingness to push through the day to make it to the temple and I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity.

Ryan had a hard time since it was past his bedtime, so hopefully in the future we can plan it better. I am so glad we went though and just did it. I am lucky to have a husband willing to go with me, even if he doesn't want to. I just wanted to come on and say how glad I am that we went. I can't even express how much I love the temple.

Now for the bad.

Today I went to church and went to my new calling as a primary teacher. I wasn't teaching today, so I was just sitting in to listen. Before we started one of the girls, who is a talker and doesn't participate well, asked if we were going to switch off every week. The other teacher said yes and she said that she didn't like that. When the teacher said that she will just learn to like it, the girl looked at me and said she didn't want to come next week then. It just broke my heart.

The other teacher is an amazing teacher and is so good at keeping the attention and dealing with this girl so well. I just feel so inadequate for the calling and am wishing more that I didn't get called. It's so crazy to be feeling this way. I know that I shouldn't feel this way and to just ignore it and try to do my best. I will definitely still try to do my best, but it just made it harder.

I have all these crazy thoughts going on in my head like, I just don't do well with kids that age and that if my morning sickness with my next pregnancy is bad, I'll ask to be released.

It was just such a down day. I know that I need to pray and ask for strength and knowledge in teaching and dealing with the kids in the right way. I want to be a teacher that they love, not just the second best. I may only be the second best, but hopefully I can learn to accept it, or to just not let me bother me. I guess all I know at this point is that I am going to have to do a lot of praying with this calling.

I have such a mix of happy and sad emotions spiritually this weekend. I guess that's what it means to be a woman though. :) Hopefully I will be able to learn something from this and gain some happiness through the bad times as well. I really hope I am not experiencing this to just appreciate the good. I've already had to do that in a primary calling. Or maybe it's just my attitude. Either way, it's going to take a lot of effort on my part and some grace on God's. I just hope it's sooner than later. Thanks for listening if you made it this far in the post.

Day Thirteen

2010-01-30T11:24:00.000-08:00

I am two weeks through!!!

I have never been this good with exercising, ever! Ever! I can't believe I've made it so far. I am so proud of myself for doing this well.

Changes:

1. In my resolutions I said I wanted to work out to be more healthy, not just lose weight and be "pretty." Well, I step on the scale everyday and check myself out in the mirror everyday to see if there are any changes. I have said to myself that if I don't lose more weight by 3 weeks and notice a change, what's the point in working out!? It's so hard to keep yourself from getting into that mindset because I feel like as a person, you want to see results quickly! The results you get inside your body are not as visible, therefore not as important.

2. But the good news! I worked out today and didn't get as winded. I thought that maybe I wasn't pushing myself as hard as I usually do and that's when I realized that I am just getting stronger! Wow! So my goal for next week is to follow the lady on the video who is doing everything a level higher. It will kick my butt, but I think I am ready for it. So I guess I am getting a view into the inner changes going on in my body. I am very excited!

My hip and thigh are doing a lot better today. My hip hurt because of a lot of standing when I was working on my office (yes, I did that this week and my goal is to be done by tomorrow night, January 31st!). And my thigh felt better after a day. Today it even felt good doing squats. So weird!

MIND

We are going to get paint today! I am so excited. Jared's brother Dennis is going to paint for us. He doesn't have much work right now since he is construction, so he's helping us out and we're helping him out. We are going to paint the whole downstairs, staircase, and upstairs hall and bathroom this color:

The very bottom color. The one touching the granite and door.

I need to find a darker brown to paint Ryan's room. Also I am going to probably make my own curtains so I can get the colors to match his crib set. I am really hoping it doesn't cost an arm and a leg! I am not completely sure how I want to personalize it, but I want to paint it brown, then the closet sticks out and I will paint that the same green as the crib set. I am going to cut the back part of the skirt to make a valance and then get green fabric to match the closet and crib set for the curtains. I want to do a green stripe with circles or blocks in the middle of the wall and then that same pattern on the closet. Then I want to paint giraffes or dinosaurs and then of course the standard RYAN above his crib. I also got a cool idea about getting pictures and then doing some cool stuff in photoshop, so I'll probably do that as well.

I am definitely getting ahead of myself here! haha. First things first, I need to finish the entryway. As soon as we get painted, I'll be able to do that. I'm excited because the paint is that first step! Yay!

SOUL

I got called to be a primary teacher a few weeks ago. At first I hated it, but it will be fun. Teaching kids is kind of fun. Especially to see how excited they get when they answer right. The group of kids I have are all really good and participate well. Every other Sunday I still get to go to Relief Society and I am so glad about that! I need that spiritual nourishment so much!

I read one of my friends blogs about the keys to a good marriage. She wrote "I asked Brother Eaton about some patterns he set early on in his marriage that have blessed them. He mentioned a few things: Temple attendance as often as possible, even if it's not together, scripture study with the family, prayer and family home evening."

Guess how much of this we are doing? Yep, none of it. The only thing we do is pray at meals and church attendance. I have planned to go to the temple twice and we weren't able to go. I wanted to go today, but we are trying to get Ryan sleep trained, but guess how well that is going today! lol. We should have just gone. I really want to set it up so we can go once a month. I guess there is still time to go today. We'll see if we can find a babysitter! :)

I really want to start scripture study with Jared and then having family prayers and family home evening. I think we will start with the family home evening when Ryan turns one. I know that these things are really important so hopefully we can get started on them.

So many goals, so little time and room in my mind! But, goals are what make us happier and better people. As long as I am hitting my goals here and there and keeping on the track, I am satisfied.

I hope you all are doing well in your New Year's Resolutions! If you have any and want to talk about them, leave a comment. I will write you back here or on Facebook. Thanks!

Day Eleven

2010-01-28T09:24:00.000-08:00

Okay today isn't going very well.

First off - I have a question. How long should you wait to exercise after you have eaten? Usually I try to eat when the baby eats, but sometimes it doesn't happen. Then the only time I have to eat is right before a work out. Is it better to eat right before or to skip it and eat after?

Second - My legs are killing me! Seriously, isn't this supposed to be getting easier? I had to stop my work out half way because I hurt my thigh doing a squat. I squatted down pretty low and it hurt my right thigh so bad! I can't really put any pressure on it. The rest of the work out used lunges or squatting or putting all the weight on one leg, and it just hurt to bad to continue. It's better to stop than hurt it more, right?

My lower back is start to hurt. Especially when we do twists and I am tightening my abs. I don't know if it's just the muscles or not, but is that supposed to happen?

Hopefully tomorrow my leg is better and I can get right back to it. Thanks for answering my questions!

Day Ten

2010-01-27T11:21:00.001-08:00

The work out seems to get harder and harder every day. Why is that?? It makes me feel like a wimp! I should be getting better and better, right? I'm just a bit frustrated.

Day Eight

2010-01-26T08:43:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been a week already and I haven't quit! :)

I have to admit that temptation is hitting me like a brick! Yesterday, which was day 8, I had to take a nap so napped when the baby was napping and then exercised while he was awake. When I was doing my sit ups, he thought it was great to come over and lay on me. He thought it was hilarious, so I had to laugh too. Those were the hardest, most inefficient, sit ups I have ever done! :)

I also am getting sore in different places! I woke up this morning with my back muscles and chest muscles hurting like crazy. I am guessing it is from the push ups and the exercise where you get weights and then bring them in front of your face with your arms in a 90 degree angle, then you bring them out to your ears. Those kill!

Another thing that is trying to keep me down is that I fell on the stairs yesterday. I landed on my thigh so it hurts so much when pressure is put on it. I am not sure if the lunges are going to happen today!

My plan for blogging is to blog when I feel like and update you guys on where I am; whether I have kept my goals or fallen and gotten back up. I think the first week went fantastic, and even though I feel like a lot of things are coming up for excuses to not exercise, I am doing good at ignoring them and continuing.

Now if I could only keep my goals with cleaning my office....

Day Six

2010-01-23T12:39:00.000-08:00

Sorry I skipped a post for day 5! I was super busy yesterday so I didn't have time to blog.

BUT I did work out! Not only did I work out yesterday, but I worked out today!

I wasn't going to work out today, for the mere fact that it's the weekend and you shouldn't have to do anything on weekends that you do during the week. On Facebook, I asked about skipping Sundays and got feedback about 6 days a week is awesome and perfect at first. I knew that it's what I wanted to do, but quickly changed my mind as today, Saturday, was on us.

Since this was the mind frame I was in, what do you suppose got me to work out? It's way weird. I was putting Ryan down for a nap and he was not being compliant! I laid down with him on our bed to see if that would work. I got SO tired and wanted to take a nap myself, instead of cleaning, which is what I was going to do instead of work out. Then I realized that I will feel much better and more awake if I worked out for 30 minutes instead of taking a 30-minute nap. So I let Jared take care of Ryan and I worked out! Who would've thought?

I am pretty proud I have made it to day 6. It's crazy, because I am doing the same video and starting to feel my muscles working, like my abs. I am supposed to have my abs pulled in the whole time and at first I couldn't really feel it making one bit of difference in the exercises. Now I can do the exercise and feel my muscles pulling in and be able to focus on them. It's really cool.

Today's workout was exhausting. It's funny how I can do the same one and yet feel more tired than yesterday. But, I feel good, still a bit tired, but I do have energy to get me through this day, maybe some cleaning, we'll see about that!

Day Four

2010-01-21T11:57:00.000-08:00

Here I am at day four already! I don't think I have ever worked out 4 days in a row. I am so proud of myself!

I am feeling better, but still really sore. That hasn't stopped me though! I am hoping that I won't be sore next week, although, don't you have to be sore to feel like you did something in a work out?

The only problems I am running into is a lack of time. I have so much to do today and about half of it won't get done. I worked out for 30 minutes, but that means I have to shower afterwards. Can I tell you a little secret that I didn't want people to know about me, but I'm going to be honest... I don't shower everyday. If I am going to be home all day long and the only people who see me are Jared and Ryan, then I will gladly take the time it takes to shower and get ready and put it towards something else. Don't get me wrong, I don't go TWO days without showering, that's just gross, right? :) So not only do I have to spend the 30 minutes working out, I have to shower and get ready which takes 45 minutes. Any time there is while Ryan is still napping is very slim.

I don't know how mommies do it. Even those who work full time get more stuff done than I do! But one thing that is for sure, is I am going to work out every day for at least 3 weeks. That is my goal. No matter what else pops up. (I am so sorry to the office, once again, you will not get touched. Such a sad sight! Someday I will get to you! I promise!)

Day Three

2010-01-20T10:41:00.000-08:00

Yep, you read that right! Day three! I'm feeling pretty good except my legs are still SOOOOOO sore! When does the soreness go away? I can hardly walk up and down the stairs and changing Ryan on the floor KILLS me. Making a trip to the bathroom is also a lot of work! Who knew?! I'm pretty excited I'm still with it, and I don't see anything that is going to make me stop any time soon. Yay!

Question for all you work out mommies, if I have any readers :), does working out lower your milk supply if you are nursing? I hope not, but if it does, I would rather not work out than stop nursing before Ryan is a year. He is going through one of his nursing strikes again, and of course a million things are going through my mind on what I can do to get him to nurse better. I was also thinking that if things go well, I'll do P90X in about a month or two (when I've gotten used to working out everyday for at least 30 minutes). We've had it for close to 2 years and haven't even popped it into the DVD player. :) But this will only be if I can continue to nurse Ryan. That cutie is my number one priority.

Non physical fitness related stuff:

I have chosen a color to paint! It's a little darker than I wanted, but I think it will lighten up when everything is that color. I liked one and painted a huge chunk on the wall and it was WAY too light. I am so glad I decided to test it out. Jared was horrified when he came home from work to see all these different colors painted on our wall. He said, "What happens if we don't like any of them and we want to keep it white?" I said, "I guess we have no choice but to pick a color and paint!" :) If you ever want to paint and hubby won't let you, just go get some sample paint and paint it on the walls! I'm sure it will work every time!!!

I am trying to get better on organizing my time, but it is so difficult. I wanted to finish unpacking our office this week and here is it Wednesday and I haven't even started. I would like to do it today during Ryan's 2nd nap, but it's his 10 month birthday today and that means picture time. I always take his pics and post them on our family blog. I'm super excited though, because it will be my first time editing with photoshop! So as you can see, that might interfere with unpacking the office. Tomorrow I am going to post what our office looks like right now, and maybe that will be motivation!

I am feeling great! and I hope all of the readers are too! If you are working out, novice or expert, let me know! Being held accountable or working with someone helps a ton!

Day Two

2010-01-19T13:09:00.001-08:00

I woke up today SOOOOO sore! I decided that I was just going to work out three days a week so I could skip today. When Ryan went down for his nap, I took a nap instead of exercising (and doing dishes and other to-do things.) We woke up, and I was even more sore than I was before my nap. I decided to just exercise and maybe it would make me feel better? I don't know what I was thinking, but it got me to exercise.

I totally got punished for skipping my workout during Ryan's nap time. It is SO much harder to follow a DVD while you have a 10 month old pulling up on your legs every 30 seconds! Ryan even fell a couple times during the lunges. :(

I got through it though! I finished the whole workout. Yesterday I followed it and did jumping jacks and those totally kicked my trash. Today I only bounced and moved my arms during the jumping jacks and I was able to finish. Who knew jumping jacks were so hard?! I'll try them fully maybe next week.

I am just glad I ended up doing the work out and finishing it. It will be fun to see if I really do lose 5 pounds in 3 weeks!

ALSO - brownies are not good breakfast foods. That's all. :)

Day One

2010-01-18T12:20:00.000-08:00

My butt just got kicked. Hard. I couldn't even finish my work out. I pushed myself to finish the last 5 minutes and then I just didn't have anything left in me. How do you push yourself when you feel completely depleted?

I'm doing Lindsay Brinn's Shed 5 Fast DVD workout. It's a 30 minute work out and it wasn't that bad until the lunges. My legs are going to KILL tomorrow. I can't even imagine doing this all again tomorrow.

Now that it's over, it wasn't that bad. I can't wait to lose these 5 pounds!

New Year's Resolutions

2010-01-11T16:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's taken me way too long to write this post, but what's important is that I'm doing it! We've been sick all last week so I feel like I've wasted a week, and I'm totally ready to start these resolutions!

1. Be more organized.

This is with my time, as well with everything important in my life. I really haven't totally unpacked yet from the move and I just feel like everything is scattered. By the end of the month, I want to have my office completely unpacked and organized.

I want to have a weekly schedule where I sit down on a Saturday or Sunday and write down my goals for the week. I've always worked best by thinking about stuff weekly. If it was something two weeks in advance, I would completely forget about it and put it out of my mind. By writing it down, I will have more of a chance of getting it done.

2. Decorate my home.

Each month I have allotted $100 towards decorating my home. This month I am focusing on painting (which doesn't count toward the $100), and setting up our entryway. I am so excited for this! I am going to get a table for our shoes/mail/whatever, a nice mirror to go above it, a coat hanger thing for guests, a long runner rug for the hallway, and then decorate the long wall with a ton of pictures. I am going to put up pictures of us through out the years and then put up vinyl narrating our journey. It is going to look so awesome!

I am pretty sure that I won't be able to finish the living room in one month with my allotted money allowance. So instead of saying which room will get each month, I'll just list the order I am going to decorate in.

Living Room
Kitchen (minus the backsplash and dining room table)
Ryan's room
Bathrooms
Master Bedroom (this will be pricey, which is why it is last)
Kitchen backsplash and table

Somewhere in there, I'll get a piano. It will definitely not be part of the $100 allowance. :) We just need to get our debt paid off first, which leads me to the next one...

3. Pay off credit cards and start saving.

By the end of the year, I want to have one credit card of about $1,800 paid off and have at least $1,000 in savings. We have one credit card that has no interest for two years, and it doesn't make sense to pay it off while we have other debt charging us interest. This is going to be tough for us to do, because we will start paying for a bunch of maternity insurance in March. Our maternity deductible is $6,500 so we want to try to go through 2-3 companies and see if we don't have to pay for it at all! :) Doing this, though, we will be short on the cash until next baby is born, so budgeting will be very important.

Budgeting is something that I am terrible at. This goes along with the first part which is being more organized. I want to know where our money is going, how much we are going to spend on what, and more importantly, how much we are saving/paying off.

4. Be more physically fit!!

Notice I didn't say LOSE WEIGHT? Honestly, I don't care too much about my weight or even my size. I would like to be smaller and cuter, but I've given up on that image of me in my high school years because I am not a teenager any more. I am a woman. As much as I hate my saggy stretched skin, I love it too. I want to be able to look at myself and be happy with myself no matter what I look like.

I know that physical fitness is so important to our health. I want to be around for a long time. I watch The Biggest Loser, and I know that you don't have to be fat to have those scary problems. Exercising and eating right is so important. I don't think I will lose a lot of weight by exercising, so that is not my goal, because if it is, I will probably quit. My goal is to be healthy and love myself for who I am.

My goal is to exercise three times a week. It would be nice to say everyday, but come on, I hardly exercise now so I am going to start off slow and ease into it. :)

5. Be more charitable.

In our world and time, it is so easy to think about ourselves constantly. I'm guilty of this every single day. I want to be a much more giving person, who thinks of others before herself. The number one person who needs this is my husband, Jared. I need to be a much better wife emotionally.

I heard a comment, I don't remember where I heard it, that a lot of the time women give of themselves so much to their children, friends, communities, churches, and people they don't even know, and not that much to their husbands. In fact, there is only so little left for their husbands that when their husbands want something, the woman gets upset that he wants anything, because she hasn't given anything to herself. How selfish of him to want that last little bit of herself? I am so guilty of this. I complain vocally and inside about Jared WAY too much. I need to be attending to him and our marriage before giving myself to all of these other things, even our child. If our marriage is good, everything else will follow suit.

That said, I still do need to work on being a charitable woman. I am training myself to think positively about service and looking for ways I can serve in my family, ward, and community. I don't know how to quantify this, but maybe I can write down the times that I do charity and how my marriage is improving.

6. Start food storage.

I have this awesome book I got from my old ward that helps you get a year supply by buying one thing a week. I really like this idea, because it seems so easy and is pretty cheap to start off. By the end of this year, I'd like to be close to being done. This will take a little bit of extra work because I'll have to watch the sales. I've never been one to care for the case lot sales, but now I'm going to keep my eye on it. This will need a lot of help from #1. Do you see why it's my number 1 resolution? Without it, everything falls apart.

I have so many little goals for myself this year, and I really want to get them done. I want to end the year a much better person than I am now. I didn't say anything about my spiritual or "mind" goals, because once I am more organized, they will fall into place. I am so excited about this year and I can't wait to look back in 2011 to see how well I've done. *Positive thoughts!* :)

Do any of you have some awesome plans to make sure you keep your resolutions? If you have any of the same resolutions as me, let me know. It's always helpful to know you have someone else going through the same thing.

Getting Back On Track

2010-01-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, I haven't found the time to come on and write my resolutions. I am reading The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, and when I am reading a book everything else stops. This is why I shouldn't read! As soon as I am done, I have a few more posts to write on here, BUT for now I wanted to share this exciting news.

One of my New Year's resolutions is getting back into shape (not necessarily losing weight, just being healthy). I was planning on starting my Be Active on the Wii, but to be honest, I didn't love it and so who knows how long that would've lasted. So today on Babysteals.com, they had this steal:

Mom's Into Fitness Shed 5 Fast & Dance Jam

A lot of people who are Facebook fans on Babysteals.com said that they had her DVD's and liked them. I love to dance so I'm hoping the Dance Jam will be a lot of fun. These are all 30 minutes, which will be great. I'm so excited to get them and get started on this resolution!

Anyone else do workout DVD's and do they work for you? How do you make sure you keep it up? I definitely need advice from those of you who are awesome when it comes to fitness. :)

Decorating

2009-12-30T17:33:00.000-08:00

I've been working on the "MIND" aspect of my fitness lately. After moving into a new home and dealing with Christmas, my mind is pooped! But I still have so much to do, so I keep on trucking.

I am going to be writing a post about my New Years resolutions that include all aspects in my blog description. I am pretty excited about it. I've been thinking about it over the past week, I'm getting excited for 2010!

For now, I just wanted to post some pictures that I like and will be taking from to decorate our house. I am not going to copy any ONE picture, but there are things I like about each one.

I LOVE the simple elegance of this room. I like the bright colors contrasting with the dark brown/black. I light the light walls, use of a rug, and the mirror.

I am not into coastal decorating, but I love the color of this room. It's like a light tan with a hint of green. I love the wood tones and want to bring the same colors into our living room.

I love the color combination here. Again the light colors with dark accents of wood. I love the frames.

I like the idea of fun furniture. I would like to do two small chairs with some awesome fabric.

Again I love the colors here. The light walls and fun colors.

I love this room as well. My favorite part is the curtains. I want to have some awesome colors in my curtains that reflect the style in the room, not just complement it.

picture found here

This is so cool! The headboard is wallpapered! I am so doing this in our bedroom. I am also going to do this as a frame in our living room. I am going to make it huge and then place one or more frames inside it. It's such a cool design idea, I'm excited to try it.

I decided that I am going to have a budget of $100 for decorating a month. (This excludes big pieces like an entertainment center and a TV, I have to say this or Jared will make me stick to it! :) I think that this will help me from overspending in one month and work harder to find good deals. I'm so excited!!

The first thing I want to do is paint. I decided that I am going to do a light tan that you can see in most of these pictures. I can't decide if I want an accent wall or not. After painting, I will focus on the entryway. It is so long, and it needs to be inviting first. So I am going to put a shoeshelf/case thing in there, decorate above it, and then put pictures of us before marriage, our engagement, wedding, over the years, baby... and then I am pretty sure Ryan will take over the rest. There will be lots of places left for other little ones that enter our lives. I am thinking about doing empty frames (with something cool in it showing that it's supposed to be there) along the rest of the wall. I'd like to also put in a LONG hallway rug and finish the 1/2 bathroom. I think just the hallway is going to take up 2 months budget, unless I am super awesome and get good deals!

Anyway I am excited for this journey and I hope you're excited to enjoy it with me! :)

What a deal!

2009-12-20T20:44:00.001-08:00

Trying to stick with the "Provident Living" mindset, I bought all of Ryan's next batch of clothes second hand. The DI and kid-to-kid here in Provo were awful so one day last week I made the trip up to Sandy to go to the DI and kid-to-kid there. I totally scored some awesome clothes!

I got 2 pairs of pajamas (bummed because I was hoping for more), but I got each of them for a dollar, 7 shirts, 5 pairs of pants ALL for the grand total of $29!!! Most of these things are brand name too! Most people spend that much or more on ONE outfit. I am so happy I was able to get all these awesome clothes for such a good deal. If only clothes shopping were that easy for me! :)

Christmas Holiday

2009-12-04T23:49:00.000-08:00

I LOVE this time of year. I am sure most people can agree. There is nothing better than singing christmas songs and thinking of what to get for your family and friends and serving those who are in need. I definitely need to do better in that department. This holiday is about the birth of Jesus Christ and it's so easy to get caught up on the material aspect of it, which is okay! as long as you're remembering to be Christlike as well.

I haven't been very good at posting lately, because I've been super busy with moving. I'm actually halted right now in unpacking because I am working on some Christmas presents that are taking up a TON of my time. I am so excited to post about these after Christmas. Let me just say, it is definitely great for the fitness of my mind. Although, it has a lot to do with Ryan and my patience is wearing thin! Let me just say I LOVE when daddy comes home!

Another thing I wanted to write about was a lesson we had in Church last Sunday. It was on Provident Living. It was a check point lesson, so we missed the first one, but it still was a good reminder on what I want in my life. Life is definitely not about the material things we possess or how other people view us. There are so many things I think I need for my new home, and I just have to put my brain on hold and wait until our credit cards are paid off and money is saved to buy those things. Why is it so easy to say "I'll just charge it?" I HATE being in debt, and with car debt, student debt, and credit card debt, I feel like we are up to our eyeballs in it. BUT I want to decorate my house into a home. I want a piano. I want a new SLR camera so I can try to become a photographer (and make money to pay it off, which is my excuse if I do end up getting it.) I want to go on a cruise for our 5 year anniversary. I want a new dining room set. I want a new bedroom set. I want to buy Ryan more babylegs.

These are definitely all WANTS, but they aren't going to make me feel better about life. In the end, I'm always going to want something. Isn't it better to be able to afford the things you want? I can't wait until we are at that point, where we've saved and consciously worked toward these things. My goal is to have all our credit card debt paid off by Ryan's birthday, and then save for an SLR camera for my birthday. In between all of that, I am going to do the cheap things that will make this house mine, like painting and making my own decorations that will cost a fraction of what I would buy in a store. It will be quite the trip, but hopefully it will be fun. Debt-free freedom, here we come!

I have learned a lot about myself physically, but that's a new post for ya. Until then...

Finished!

2009-11-23T14:13:00.001-08:00

OK - I totally have learned another lesson. If something doesn't work perfectly, it still can work. :)

I actually am in love with this cover. It's got the cutest monkey print that is perfect for my little monkey! It isn't what I wanted exactly, but it works. I think I fell in love with it when I first used it as a cart cover. The place for the legs isn't where I would love for them to be, but it works! That's the point right?! So I am pretty happy with how it turned out.

First, what I did was put one fabric over the carseat and then just pinned along where I thought I should cut. Second, I cut it. Then I placed this fabric over the other one and pinned and cut. This is where the mistakes came, but I worked through them with only SOME unstitching. After I sewed the outsides I cut the middle and just guessed on what I thought would work.

One thing I learned is that if you want to have elastic in a double sided thing like this, you have to sew the outside partially, turn it right side out, then sew a place for the elastic to go. You can't sew it before you turn it right side out. Well you can, but I don't think it will look as good. :)

I am not going to go through all the details on how I made it, but if you would like me to, please leave a comment and I will put in a more thorough post about it. For now, I just wanted to express how happy I am that it is done and how cute it is!

I LOVE this inside. It is so soft and such a pretty rich color. I am happy I did it this way, so when I have a girl, I can use this side and just add some pink/purple if I want. Or if one side gets really dirty, I can just turn it around.

I added the ribbons so it could tie to the sides and be used as a blanket that can't get kicked off. I tried it with Ryan and it didn't really work very well. That's okay. It works awesome as a cover for the car seat (which we won't use since he would freak out, next baby!), cart for the store, and restaurant infant seats. It doesn't fit perfectly, but it does it's job and keeps my cute baby from touching all the grossy stuff that can be out there. I love it!

And here are some cute pictures of Ryan using it at Costco. He was super tired so because I had the cover I was able to lay him down and keep him really comfortable. I think he loves it, too! :)

Learning Experiences

2009-11-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't finished my little project yet, I am planning on it today, but I just wanted to say what an experience it has been. I tried it out without it being finished and it doesn't work that well. I think I have WAY too much fabric for it to be stretchy. I've learned that if you are going to do a sewing project, try it out with crappy fabric and not the cute stuff you bought. I feel like it was a waste of time and $25 so it would've been better for me to just buy it. I haven't tried it in the cart yet, I am really nervous, but I will try it today and let you know. I am going to post pictures in my next post. Hopefully the toys I make with the scraps turn out MUCH better! :)

Failure?

2009-11-06T15:08:00.000-08:00

I know nothing about sewing. Nothing! I might as well go and put my head in the sand, because this is embarrassing. I have spent more time undoing things than actually getting something done. Ah!!! Since I am making a double sided cover, it is much more difficult to do. It would be SO easy to do just one side.

1st mistake: Sew all the sides together. I started sewing a 1/2 inch inside for the elastic when I realized that would look funny. Then I realized there was no way for me to get it right side out.

2nd mistake: I am trying to figure out what I want to do with the middle (so the feet can stick out in the cart) and realized that I put the ribbon (to tie on the car seat so it stays as a blanket) on wrong. When I turn the cover right side out the ribbon will still be inside. More unstitching! So frustrating. (Edited to add: I can just cut the ribbon! It's on the inside so who cares! See why I shouldn't be doing this... haha!)

Maybe I am not cut out to be a crafty person. Seriously, my mind is having a hard time wrapping around what steps I should take. Oh well. Still better than spending 40 bucks on a new one, right? RIGHT? I hope so... we shall see.

So I walked, and walked, and walked, and walked...

2009-11-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

AND walked today. :)

Ryan was almost asleep by the end. It felt great. I really do like walking. I realized I really like exercise that takes no prep and hardly anything to clean up either. I am not so sweaty that I HAVE to shower right then, which makes it nice when other things come up. It's so warm right now, that I am out there. Hopefully, I won't let the mommy worries get me from going when it gets colder!

My mind was wandering today about how trials make us come closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. As we have these trials, we look to them for strength or just some arms to wrap around us and hold us when we weep. They understand everything we have been through and will go through, because Christ has gone through it already for us. I was just thinking about how I haven't had any really hard trials in a while and maybe that's why I am not as close as I'd like to be. But then I realized that I need to be going to them for much more than the really hard trials. There are small trials we face everyday that can affect us in the long run.

I constantly question myself as a mother and wife. I know that I can be better and stronger and happier with who I am, if I lean on them. I can do this by prayer and studying scriptures, or like I said, read the Ensign. Another thing that really helps me study and grow closer to Heavenly Father is journaling. I haven't done this besides blogging for a really long time. I was pretty consistent at it when I was dating Jared (and what great memories those are to read!) I feel bad that I haven't done much about motherhood and how it really feels. This is why I am glad I have this blog, because it will help with that.

So what I have decided to do is to ASK Heavenly Father to help me with something at least once a week. I can even ask Him to help me with getting in the habit of good eating and exercise. I can ask Him to help me be a better mother, as well as giving myself the time I need to be a person. Some of these things may seem silly, but they help us grow either way so I am sure that I will get the help if I truly ask for it. It will be an interesting experiment, for sure! We'll see how it goes.

Maintaining

2009-11-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

Since it got colder, I've been kind of in a rut. I say that we can't go outside to walk, but I know that we probably could AND even if we couldn't, I have things I could do inside. I think I am just in a rut. I want to be healthy, but I also am becoming more okay with my weight and body. Maybe part of me is getting used to being a mom and an adult.

I don't look at pictures of me in High School and wish I were that skinny any more (okay, that's a lie... part of me does say that!) But mostly, I see me as a young girl and now I'm a woman. I have the hips, flabby skin, stretch marks, and much more to prove it.

My problem is that I can pretty much eat what I want and maintain my weight of about 140. If I cut out a lot of bad carbs and sweets, I don't see too much of a difference. How much weight do you lose just by doing this, and how long does it take? Is the only way for me to lose weight, exercise? Maybe I should do some research. That way I can know how much I need to exercise, how long, and what results I can see from it.

Anyway, that's where I am at right now. I feel like if I do anything, it's not going to show, so why bother? But I know it's an overall health issue that will be with me for the rest of my life. The Halloween candy gets thrown out tonight! :)

On a brighter note, I realized that instead of just reading scriptures to help me with feeling the spirit everyday, I remembered there is a church magazine! The Ensign! If I read one or two articles a day, this would definitely help. I was so excited to realize this. I used to read the Ensign cover to cover and it's been probably 2-3 years since I've done that, even though we have been subscribers the entire time. There are so many great articles and good ideas to build me up and in turn, help me be a better daughter of God and follower of Christ. I'm excited to start doing this.

Also, I've bought stuff to make a carseat blanket/cart cover. I have nothing to copy to make it. It's just an idea ripped off of a lot of other ideas. I want to get it done this week, so we'll see how it goes. Hopefully I get it done, and it looks awesome!

I Want To Be Crafty!

2009-10-27T00:21:00.000-07:00

OK, I know it's WAY late! I have the flu, (I think it's just the regular one!) and slept a ton today. So naturally I am loving my time to be awake without having to take care of Ryan's every need. I read my friend, Jill's, blog where she made a crafty cover for her daughter's car seat. She works full time, has two girls, is/was the primary president, so where did she get her time to make that? It looked WAY good, too!

I just wonder if I can be doing things like this or for myself while Ryan is awake. I don't have to be doing something to help him grow at every time of the day. Right? I don't know. I feel like I should only reserve "me" time for naps, and let's face it, when I need a nap, there isn't much time!

I think when Jared gets paid on the 1st, I am going out and buying the stuff to make my own car seat cover thingy. I am going to get it done no matter what. (In addition to the million scrapbook pages I need to make!)

How do you guys get "me" time in? I just feel so guilty. I feel like the time I do spend with him isn't even that good, so how do I shorten it and still feel happy about the mother I am. Please any suggestion would be helpful. Thanks!!!

Now I Know...

2009-10-21T22:56:00.001-07:00

...to never plan anything on the day of getting a massage. OR if I get one, to get it in the afternoon or evening.

I had one by my friend, an old co-worker at PCS who needed some more hours, and it was AMAZING!!! I am always needing a massage! She did such a good job, and I was so relaxed and calm all day. I didn't even care to get anything done.

When we got home, Ryan had had two short naps so I laid down with him for a long one. We slept for 2 1/2 hours! We woke up at like 5 pm! This is why this is being posted after midnight. :) I didn't care though. It was nice and relaxing. We did end up going to the grocery store, and I worked, but that was it!

On a good note, Renee (who did my massage) suggested walking at the mall so it would be warm. I live pretty close, but I do like the easiness of going outside. If I have to drive to the mall and then walk, I might not be as good about doing it. We'll see. Or I could just revisit Wii Active while Ryan crawls around. I'm going to have to play it by hear and hopefully something sticks as well as walking did. If only I started it MONTHS ago! Oh well, you can only control the present, and even then your control is limited. :)

Monday Blues

2009-10-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

Body Fitness

Last Monday was great and I got so much stuff done. I had the same expectations for today. In fact, I was looking forward to Monday the whole weekend! I kind of give myself a break in being so scheduled to get stuff done and go with the flow. It was weird after a week of not wasting a moment to not be doing anything in particular! I was excited to get back to it!

Then Monday came. I admit I went to bed WAY too late last night. This made me be extra tired when 7:00 am came and Ryan wanted to eat. Jared also went into work late because he slept in. I almost couldn't get on with my day because he was still in bed. Seeing him lay there in that nice warm bed made me so jealous! So as soon as Ryan's nap came, guess what I did? Yep took a nap!

He napped too short and ended up crying a ton, so I brought him into my bed and we napped together. We ended up napping for 2 1/2 hours! Yikes! We had some carpet cleaners come today (since Ryan is a crawling machine now) and I had to do a bunch with that. While they were cleaning though, I took Ryan for a nice walk. We walked down to the elementary school to go play on the swings and slide (it was such nice weather!) and when we got there I saw the kids. The first thing that went through my mind was what holiday was it that kids were out of school?! When I remembered, it WAS a school and of course there were kids there! haha! So we turned around and walked back. This actually was a little bit longer of a walk than normal. I didn't power walk, but it was nice.

This and showering were the only things I did today. Yay for showering!! :) I didn't read scriptures or scrapbook. And really the walking was a fluke. If it wasn't for the cleaners, I wouldn't have gone. But it's okay! I don't mind. It just felt like a Monday where you don't want to do anything. But tomorrow will be better!

I want to get a heart rate monitor for my walks. I haven't done any really good research yet, but I was talking to my brother and he said that it's a certain heart rate when you're walking you want to achieve to burn fat. I like this idea a lot! Doing this will be so much easier and since it is easier I will be more likely to go walking! I think eventually I'll be more fit to run. Especially when I'm used to the walks in my schedule so I won't skip out on exercising.

Also - how cold is TOO cold to take your baby on a walk with you in the morning, or even during the day? Are there stroller carriers to keep baby warm? I really love the idea of going in the mornings. It stinks that it's turning winter though!

GOAL: Go walking everyday! Time the walks to be at least 30 minutes. Try to get in other body work outs like sit ups/push ups. See what works best.

Soul Fitness

Jared and I went to the temple on Saturday. It was so amazing. I learned much more than I ever have. I have been the longing wife lately. You know, "My husband never does anything nice just because and I totally deserve it so why doesn't he do it. Yeah he does stuff I ask him and he tells me he loves me, but why can't he just call out of the blue and say he loves me or send me flowers or do something special!!!" This was me last week. Men are Men. And I had a boyfriend who was the romantic type and did make me feel that special feeling, but he also treated me like crap! So which is better? I would definitely take the typical man that really takes care of me and I know he loves me with all his heart over the romantic.

Anyway, there was a part in the temple where I realized what my role is in this marriage. It isn't about just doing everything for Jared or giving giving giving of my time and, well, everything. There is a purpose to my role. Realizing this purpose has been the best thing that has happened to me in a long time in our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I still nag and find things to be mad about; I'm a woman. :) But I am choosing what I need to bring up and making sure I support Jared and help him realize his purpose in this life as well. It was such a wonderful feeling!

We are going to try and go to the temple once a month. We were planning on going to the Draper Temple, but they don't have rental clothes and my dress doesn't fit and Jared doesn't have pants or a tie. I'd like to get these things soon. Maybe they'll be Christmas presents!! :) We ended up going to the Jordan River Temple. It was amazing how small the group was for the session. I guess having two new temples open up has decreased numbers a ton! I sat by an older lady, probably 45-55, and she was so sweet. She had the sweetest smile and when I sat down after a certain part, she held my chair down and patted my hand. I love that! I love feeling like we are a heavenly family. It's really weird, but when there are these small sessions a lot of people won't sit next to each other. You find your typical one chair in between each person. This is typical of me... but since I am wanting to be less shy and more outgoing and friendly (let's face it, shy people can seem really rude!) I sat down next to this woman. Even though I know nothing about her, I felt love and friendship from her. It was a great feeling. I hope I can be more like her.

GOAL: Try to be the type of person that makes it to the Celestial Kingdom. I really don't feel like I am keeping my covenants enough to go there. I need to be more like Christ, and I am really trying to do that. I really think this will make me happier and my family happier and better off as well.

Mind Fitness

I did another page for scrapbooking over the weekend. I used my new stuff I've had for awhile. I don't LOVE how it looks so I am going to try and do more stuff to it.

Goal: Do a ton more pages and get ready to paint the entertainment center. (I may need advice on this!! :)

Over all - it was a good weekend and a good day. I am stoked for this week, and I hope I can keep my goals and keep doing great!

Morning Walks

2009-10-16T22:59:00.001-07:00

I decided that our walk yesterday was so much fun that I'd like to do it in the morning when it's cooler. It's so quiet and peaceful. Except for all the dogs barking! haha. I take my mom's dog with me and I'm sure that doesn't help with the barking dogs. Ryan seems to like the walks and I like it a lot more than running. Eventually I think I'd like to get a jogging stroller. If any one has one they'd like to sell or let me borrow until I can buy one, let me know! :D

Here is a cute picture of Ryan on our walk this morning.

I did my best to get some scrapbooking in. Ryan woke up early from his nap so I didn't get as much done as I wanted, but I wanted to show that I did make an effort! Here is the page I finished today.

I did everything I needed to do today, and wanted to do. Ryan kept himself busy today with trying to crawl. Pretty soon, I am not going to be able to put him on the floor while I do some other things quick. I wonder how it would go for working out. Maybe it's time to get a playpen to put him in for 20 minutes.

Anyway, things are going great! Now I just need to keep it up. I'll post next on Monday with my goals for that week. Thanks for reading!

Substitutions

2009-10-15T21:56:00.001-07:00

Today my goal was to not take a nap so I could get everything I needed to do done. Well when nap time came around, I longed to lay in bed with Ryan and sleep. I love sleeping with my little baby. I kept going back and forth whether I should do what I am supposed to or follow my longing for a nap with my bubs. You wanna know what I did? I compromised.

In my compromise, I substituted running on a treadmill for taking Ryan for a walk. We have a HUGE travel system stroller, which is pretty heavy, and I figured that could be my exercise. Power walking burns more calories than running, right? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I did double our normal walk, took the dog, walked as fast as I could and walked the hills in stride. I was definitely panting in some parts and got home sweating. Ryan had a blast being outside, so two birds, one stone. My compromise worked!

Taking a nap also meant I didn't get my scripture studying in. To fix this I substituted reading the mail to Ryan with reading my scriptures to Ryan. It sounded really funny saying it out loud and reading TO Ryan. I felt like I was screaming Repentance to him. I had to stop and tell him that it wasn't directly to him because little babies are perfect in every way. I know that he can't understand it, but reading is good for your baby no matter what it is. It will be hilarious if he starts talking scripture language. He will be like Stewie from Family Guy. Scary!

I just love to read at least one chapter because it gives me reminders of how I want to be. I want to be a good person. The end of Moroni practically screams Charity! Charity! Charity! As of right now, I don't think I can make it to the Celestial Kingdom. For the past three years, my heart hasn't been in the right place when it comes to service and charity. I want to be kinder and more friendly. I am extremely shy and meeting people (new or acquaintances) scares the crap out of me! Visiting Teaching scares me. The thought of calling up someone I don't know to set up an appointment or be partnered with to set up appointments scares me so bad. I have always wanted a partner who was very active in calling people themselves and would let me only do it once or twice. This never happened and what resulted was a lot of women never being visit taught. I know I missed out on a lot of great friends. Hopefully this studying and trying to be more like Christ will help me step out of my bubble of comfortability and not only enrich my life, but others as well.

I still haven't gotten around to scrapbooking. I am going to do it tomorrow though. I WANT/NEED to do it tomorrow. I'll even post what I make. This way I am accountable. :)

Today was great, because my day didn't go as planned. It was okay, because I changed things around to do what I wanted and still be successful. Thinking ahead makes a big difference. I am sure that is what I will have to do to get some FUN scrapbooking in!! :)

Priorities

2009-10-14T22:22:00.000-07:00

What are your priorities?

I think that it would be best if I write them down and refer to them everyday. Let's face it, as a mom, I am not going to get everything done everyday. Monday was a complete fluke, right? So if something doesn't go a certain way, what things do I need to let go?

This is really hard for me, because I see so much that HAS to be done everyday. I need to start being honest with myself and a priority list will help me do this.

Today, the baby woke up 45 minutes into his nap. He was pretty restless so I laid down with him to help him fall asleep. It took about 15 minutes, I think; I am not completely sure, because I fell asleep too! When I take these naps, this totally kills the full completion of my "things to do" list. I was trying to see how much I could fit into his next nap. I need to be honest with myself or else things that aren't that important (Facebook and vacuuming) will get done and my fitness will slide. That is exactly what happened today. Although, I am glad I vacuumed because the little stinker is almost crawling and he needs to be able to be on the ground exploring.

I decided I would get my priorities list together for WHEN, not IF, this happens again.

1. Ryan. He will always come first. If I can incorporate my responsibilities with fun time then great!

2. Eat. As a nursing mama, it's very important that I eat a good meal and take the time to make one.

3. Shower. If I need one, and I did today, I need to take one.

4. Work. I need to be a good employee by having my work done before 4 pm.

5. Study scriptures. This only will take 15 minutes. Forget facebook or blogging if this needs to be done.

6. Physical fitness. If needs be, use Ryan as a weight.

7. Clean. Only one thing a day. If something needs to be done that day, the others can wait until tomorrow or later in the week. (Cat litter is something that usually should come first!) and this can be interchanged with #6 if there is no more underwear left!

8. Scrapbooking. Do not get on facebook or blogging unless this has been done. I need to be caught up before Ryan's 1st birthday!

When I read this, it doesn't actually look that bad or that hard. Hopefully, I don't fall asleep again with the baby. It's so much fun cuddling with him. Maybe I'll let myself do that once a week. :)

There are some things that you don't do on a daily basis that have to get done. I'd like to have those things (bills, mail, etc.) done before the baby wakes up from his first nap. Along with exercise and a shower. If I don't get the exercise done, I can read scriptures and do Wii Active with the baby when he is awake. That pushes my shower until later too, but that's okay as long as I get it done.

If you have any suggestions, or have a different list of priorities you follow, I'd love to hear them. I'm new in all this so the suggestions and reminders are wonderful! Wish me luck!

Wanted To Throw Up

2009-10-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day! I went to bed early and after Ryan woke up, he ate/slept for an hour and a half, which I LOVE. Since I got such great sleep, I didn't take a nap. During Ryan's first nap, I read my scriptures AND did some running AND took a shower. :D I did this all before 11 am! I also wrote a letter to my niece Kaysi and tidied up our bedroom. I even made dinner as well! A friend of mine stopped by and we chatted for an hour. I got so much done today and it was great!

So why the title to the post? Well I ran. I put in my max speed of 5 mph. I did the fat burning mode where it makes you walk and every two minutes it goes up a speed. I ran for two minutes at 5 mph. After it was over and went down to 4.5 mph, I hopped off to get a drink of water. That is when the fun sensation hit. I couldn't run any more. Did this happen because I didn't cool down and just hopped off? I don't remember this happening when I started running back in May. I think tomorrow I will make my max speed 4.5 mph. Hopefully, tomorrow I will also wake up with sore legs. Even though I quit, I still ran for 11 minutes. That's pretty good in my book!

Reading scriptures was nice. I decided that I haven't read D&C since 9th grade, so I'd start there. Before I went to it though, I wanted to read Moroni. I have such a respect for Mormon and Moroni. I can't imagine living the way they did and having such strong faith. These men knew that this life is just a small moment compared to eternity. I want to remember that often. When I'm thinking about how I need all these worldly things and I wish we just had more money, I have to sit back and realize these are just things. They will not help me get to the celestial kingdom or bring me closer to Christ. There are so many good people in the world and the church. They see things in an eternal perspective and don't waver. I am so thankful for their examples. I need to focus on how my marriage is and rearing my child the right way. Anyway, I am just amazed at Mormon and Moroni's strength and love for us. It definitely builds me up to read their words.

I don't know if I'll be posting everyday, but I was excited that I actually met my goal today. It was fun and I'm happy that I did it. I also got my facebooking and blogging in! So somehow I made time. Yay!

Changes

2009-10-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

I guess it's pretty obvious that fitness has taken a back seat in my life. Right now my excuse is I am waiting until we move so I can feel more scheduled. But when we move, we won't have a treadmill in our home, so I am sure more excuses will come.

One thing that has been really inhibiting me is the amount of sleep I get. It's like you go go go all day long with the kid that when he goes down to bed, you just want you time. Going to bed is the end of you time and the beginning of go go go all day long. I seriously get like 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I have ALWAYS needed at least 8 hours. Why am I doing this to myself?

So my schedule is usually like this: Wake up at 6ish am, yes when it's still dark outside and Jared is still in bed and the rest of the house is quiet, feed Ryan and hope hope hope he falls back asleep for at least another hour. Some times I get this, lately I don't. Then I get up with him, let him play while I eat breakfast and be a zombie since I only had 4 hours of sleep. Once he's tired we both take a nap for about 1 1/2-2 hours. Then we get up, play, eat solids, get dressed, play some more. Then he goes down for a nap and I get my 2 hours of me time. I try to shower during this time, but let's be honest, I'd rather not. I may stink, but it takes so much time to shower and who do I have to be beautiful for? lol. I also am working for my sister-in-law and during this time I have to work for about a half hour. I am also addicted to social networking sites such as facebook, reading babycenter.com, and reading other people's blogs. So I must do a little of that. Then Ryan wakes up and we usually do something outside like errands, I get home and then make dinner, he goes down for a short nap, Jared gets home, we spend time as a family, get Ryan ready for bed around 8:30 pm he goes down, and then I have to work about 2 hours. So did you get that? I have about 2 hours of my day that I get to spend some time on me. So after I do my two hours of work, I usually end around 10:30-11 pm, I have to do some more me time. Some times this me time goes well until 2:30 in the morning. Then I go to bed and just lay there listening to Jared snore for about 45 minutes. My favorite part is when Ryan wakes up and I get to do the whole thing over again.

I DON'T want this to be my life. There are so many things that I want to do. Exercising is one of them! I also have so many projects I want to start for my new place, but "I don't have time." What a load of crock, huh? I want to start reading and studying scriptures. I used to do it all the time and I felt so uplifted. I want to be a better daughter of God, serving others and being a good wife and mother to my family. I want to volunteer and give of my time (that I apparently don't have). I can't do all these things unless I get some things straight in my life.

I have lots of friends and family who are into healthy living and fitness. I read their blogs every time they post and they have helped me a lot. I haven't started, but it gets me thinking. My friend Ashley has a dieting blog and one of her posts was about working out with baby and doing it is for them as well as for you. Another friend, Lauren, recently started working out almost everyday and schedules her day around her work out. My cousin who has a fitness blog called Fit Me Pink, Robyn, does the same thing. My cousin Lyenna also has a blog where she talks about her fitness endeavors and it helps me a lot. My friend Emily loves to run and writes about her marathons, yes marathons!, on her blog. These women all have children and the same responsibilities I have, and probably even more. I have got to stop being so lazy and start living my life.

Robyn does a lot of running and talks about her experiences on her blog. Just recently she did the Ragnar Relay in Las Vegas. She hasn't written about it yet, but I can't wait to see what she writes. She is so inspiring. I realized that if I want to make running be a habit, I need to set more goals than just weight goals or time goals. I need to have a goal on my calendar. I need to sign myself up for a race. This scares me to death. But I will probably get Jared to do it with me, since he wants to get more fit, too. I don't even know where to find out about races or how to train for one, but I am sure I can find out through comments or the World Wide Web. (I love these quick answers at our fingertips at home!) Once I sign up, I can't back out. This will help me do it. I am also competitive so hopefully this will make me work harder so I don't come in last place! :)

Anyway, I have a goal in mind, and I want to thank all of my cousins and friends for inspiring me to be a better me. I know I have it in me and the reminders everyday or here and there really do make a difference. You are all amazing and hopefully one day I can do the same for others.

Update

2009-06-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

So Michelle was wondering how I am doing. Let me just say, I'm maintaining. Not horrible right?! :)

My schedule has been really full and exercising has gotten to the bottom of my to do list. I really wish I could find the time though. The only time I can think of is in the morning before Ryan gets up, but lately he has been only sleeping for 5 hours and I feed him and then he wakes up in another 3-4 hours, and I am still so tired. I think that rest is as necessary as exercise is. So really right now I am just struggling to find the time in my day for exercise. I can't neglect Ryan or my work so after making dinner, eating, and if I'm lucky, showering, there just isn't much time! :) I'm working on it though. When I find a balance, I will gladly post about it!

Another thing that has been getting in my way is sweets. I just LOVE sweets! I try not to buy them, but if I am somewhere like a party, I can't have just one. I have to have two or three of each kind! I think my mindset lately has been that it won't hurt me, I just won't lose any weight. So I really am going to try better this week. I can say no, there is no reason to take it. If I have to think about eating it, then I shouldn't eat it at all. I still have a treat once a day, but once and a small treat will be fine.

On a positive note, I am still eating healthy when it comes to drinking only water and eating whole grains instead of white bread. If I have the option of low-fat, I take it. I think this is really helping, but it's the sweets that are setting me back. (Every time I say sweets I think of the chocolate cake my grandma had wednesday night. I had two pieces and it was SO good. Even though it's good, it's not helping me get to my goal. I just need to remember that). I thought this was my positive section? :) We can be so hard on ourselves, huh?

Anyway, that's the update. I know I can work on the sweets and I am trying to work out my schedule to include exercising. This week I will work on a plan and report on it next week. Thanks Michelle for checking up on me! love ya!

Wii Active

2009-06-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't been exercising for like a week and a half. Jared asked if I planned on using the Wii Active game again. At first, I was like, it was so hard! Then I remembered why I quit it in the first place. I can't do it because I exercise when Ryan is napping and he sleeps right below where I would play the game. It is extremely loud in our bedroom underneath. That was my reason for running instead. So I feel bad I am not really using it, but I will start it up again once we move. For now, I need to keep on running.

Also, I just wanted to point out that I may be under my prepregnancy weight, but technically I think I have lost more fat than that. See I am breastfeeding and these things are HUGE. If they were normal size, then I would probably see more of a drop on the scale. :) Just thought I'd point that out. :)

Weight Lost

2009-06-08T17:17:00.000-07:00

I weighed myself today and I am at 139! This is awesome, but I am not sure how I did it. I took a break from exercising and eating completely healthy this last week and decided to start fresh today. (I didn't start today either. Just too tired! I need to make sure I follow my goal of going to bed early with the baby.) Anyway, I am not sure why I lost weight, but I'll take it! :)

Also I have this way cute white maternity skirt that works for when you're 6 months pregnant or under the belly. I was still wearing it for church and yesterday I put it on and it was too big! I was so disappointed! and then I thought, why am I disappointed?? That's a good thing right! :) It is a cute skirt though and I guess it will be another year and a half before I can wear it again. :)

Vacation = Packing on the Pounds

2009-06-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

We went to Island Park this weekend with Jared's family and I ate horribly, exercised none, and I am sure broke every single one of my rules. Actually, I drank water mostly and only had one Fresca. Oh and maybe half a mountain dew on the way home that I am paying for because Ryan is so fussy. Anyway, I really have to get a hold on my weekends, home or on vacation. Tomorrow I am going to weigh and measure myself. Should be exciting after the weekend I had. :)

New Day 1

2009-05-25T23:28:00.000-07:00

I am just going to make mondays my new day 1 since it is the beginning of the week and much easier to remember. With everything else going on, I am sure one less thing to remember will help!

Today was great! I planned on working out, but I couldn't find any batteries that would work in the Wii controllers. So I was way bummed that I couldn't work out. My mom has a treadmill in a back room and I didn't know what stuff it had on it. My brother suggested I just do some running outside, but I hate running outside and immediately thought of this treadmill. It has a bunch of settings, and I did the first one which is weight loss 1. It was gradually getting faster and then once you hit the middle of the time it gradually goes down. So I ran/walked for 20 minutes today and burned close to 100 calories!

Can I just say that right after having a baby, running without peeing my pants is almost impossible! Does any one else have this problem? I really, really, really should've practiced my kegels. I am definitely practicing as I am running. :)

I did well on food too. We had turkey hot dogs today and baked lays. I also drank diet root beer instead of the lemonade just for the calorie sake. Lots of fruits and veggies and only three small mini pumpkin cookies for a treat. I am sore, but very proud of myself. Tomorrow, I plan on running and then choosing my own work outs on the Active. I don't like running in place so I will just choose work outs that give me a little aerobic, but mostly help with toning. I am not sure if it has anything for abs either. If it doesn't, then I need to start doing some sit ups as well. Fun stuff! :)

I really think this blog is helping me continue. I've really changed my eating habits and have a lot of confidence that I can do this. I can be fit by September! :)

Is It Bad...

2009-05-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

that I don't know which day it is? lol. Everything kind of went downhill after day number 2. My mom accidentally bought some Chex instead of Crispix for my brother Steven and it had a recipe for muddy buddies (or something like that) on the box. Chocolate, peanut butter, and lots of butter chex covered with powdered sugar. They are delicious and horrible for you! I also didn't find time to exercise because I was so exhausted from being up too late and having to get up early with a baby. So here is my goal for this week:

Go to bed earlier!! If I can do this, then I'll have more energy and be able to exercise instead of napping.

I really want to exercise in the mornings so instead of waiting until Ryan is asleep, I am going to try and do it while he is awake. We'll see how it goes.

I am still doing pretty good on not drinking anything, but water and getting my fruits and veggies. I just had way too many sweets this weekend though. But luckily it is a new week and I am back on track! (I hope). :)

Day 2 - 5/21/09

2009-05-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty good day. I met all of my goals so I feel pretty good about that. I did drink some orange juice, but that's still a lot healthier than fruit punch, which I am SOOOO tempted to drink! I didn't go out to eat and ate vegetables with lunch and dinner and fruit with breakfast.

I worked out the whole time for the first time today. My legs are killing me! It has you do an exercise called inline skating where you squat and then jump off these lifts. I could barely finish it. It has you do it twice, and I didn't do it the second time. So I guess I didn't do the whole thing, but I feel like I did! Yikes! I didn't realize how out of shape I am. Hopefully this will help and I can look good by September! :)

Day 1 - 5/20/09

2009-05-20T22:40:00.001-07:00

Today was a tough day for me. I didn't get good sleep last night, which is very important in the energy department, so I'm really drained right now. I got up with all good intentions of working out. I was 5 minutes into my work out when I got a phone call from a friend from my old apartment telling me she was pregnant! It was very exciting news and anyone who's been pregnant before knows how easy it is to talk about everything pregnancy and baby. By the time we had finished talking, Ryan had woken up from his nap. He didn't even sleep an hour and normally he sleeps about 2-2 1/2 hours in his late morning nap. Ugh.

I left the game on all day so I could get to it when I had time. But Ryan never had a good nap today and I had other things I needed to do: cat litter, add pictures to print for Ryan's scrapbook (have to finish it before I go back to work), and it was Ryan's 2 month birthday today so I needed to blog about that. This pretty much took up all my free time during the day and by the time evening came I was exhausted. So I guess my fitness isn't a number one priority right now. But to be positive, I at least worked out for 5 minutes! I can even feel it in my legs. :)

Other positives for the day: Drank only water, had about 3-4 servings of fruit, 3-4 servings of veggies, and no fast food. My main goals with eating are to eat more fruit and veggies and no drinks but water, and no fast food. So in the food part of my goal, I did well today. Hopefully tomorrow goes better!

Why The Blog

2009-05-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

I got this game for the Wii for my birthday and am so excited to use it. It is a personal trainer that I put in what I eat, exercise, and then it helps me exercise 20 minutes a day. This, combined with good eating habits, will hopefully help me reach my goal of losing 10-15 pounds by the end of the summer.

I am starting this blog to write about my progress and to sort of be accountable to someone (readers). So I will write daily about what I did that day and how I feel. I've never really been into fitness and exercise and am hoping that it won't be too difficult to get used to. The game has a 30 day challenge, and if I can finish that, I should be well on my way to being used to it.

I have always been really skinny and never tried very hard to stay that way. When I was 14, I was on the Simi Valley High School cheer squad and actually started to tone up with all the running and toning exercises that were required. In high school, I was about 110-115 lbs and a size 2-4. In college, I was much less fit and started not fitting into my clothes. I did get down to 105 my freshman year because of some emotional issues I had, but I don't think I want to lose weight that way again. :) When I got married, I was 120 and a size 5. Now I am 143.5 (5 is baby weight) and who knows what size. :) Probably an 8 or 10. I would LOVE to be 130 by the end of summer and be more tone and a size 6-8.

Here are my beginning pictures. I just need to look at these for motivation. :/

So know you know why I have this blog and what my goals are and how I am going to achieve them. Wish me luck!!